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How to Make Friends in College

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Written By Marc Lehman, Owner and Family Therapist at

U ARE HEARD LLC

Making friends in college can be tough. You’re in a new environment, surrounded by people you don’t know. But don’t worry, there are plenty of ways to make friends in college. Keep reading to find out how.

  1. Get involved on campus. There are tons of clubs and organizations at most colleges, so there’s sure to be something that interests you. Getting involved in extracurricular activities is a great way to meet people with similar interests. Joining a club or organization will also give you a chance to get to know people outside of your classes.

 

  1. Take the AirPods out—-when you walk around with them in you are missing every opportunity to connect—in the dining hall, in the elevator in your dorm, in class, at the gym…

 

  1. Attend campus events. Colleges always have something going on, whether it’s a guest speaker, a concert, or a sports game. Attending campus events is a great way to meet new people and have fun at the same time. Even if you don’t know anyone, just striking up a conversation with someone can help you make a new friend.

 

  1. Live in the dorms. If you’re living off-campus, it can be harder to meet people since you’re not constantly surrounded by them like you would be if you lived in the dorms. Living in the dorms gives you more opportunities to meet people and socialize. Plus, it’s a great way to save money on rent!

 

Keep in mind most students on your campus are also trying to meet other people.  Use the 1/2/3 simple way of interacting if you get socially shy.

1) take a deep breath and introduce yourself—‘Hey I am Marc–good to meet you’

2) Where are you from?

3) what year are you?

Everyone has answers to these 3 questions—you just need to ask…

Making friends in college doesn’t have to be difficult. There are plenty of ways to meet people and make lasting friendships. Just remember to get involved on campus, attend campus events, and live in the dorms (if possible). With these tips, you’ll be sure to make plenty of friends in no time!

Marc Lehman

Owner and Founder of U ARE HEARD LLC

www.uareheard.com

 

 

The Top 5 Ways to Help Your College Freshman Thrive Socially, Emotionally and Academically

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Written By Marc Lehman, Owner and Family Therapist at

U ARE HEARD LLC

The college experience is a time of great exploration. For many students, it is the first time living away from home, making new friends and navigating coursework independently. While college can be an exciting time, it can also be challenging both socially and emotionally. As a parent, you may be wondering how you can best support your student during this transition.

Here are the top 5 ways to help your college freshman thrive socially, emotionally and academically:

  1. Encourage Them to Seek Out Counseling Services Early On

If your student is struggling to adjust to college life, encourage them to seek out counseling services early on. Many colleges offer counseling services to students, which can be incredibly helpful in managing stress, anxiety and depression. Virtual counseling has also become increasingly popular, as it allows students to receive counseling from the comfort of their own dorm room or apartment.

  1. Help Them Find Their Niche

One of the best ways to help your child thrive socially and emotionally in college is to help them find their niche. This could involve joining a club or student organization that aligns with their interests, participating in intramural sports or simply finding a group of friends with similar hobbies and interests. When students feel like they belong somewhere on campus, they are more likely to stick with it and succeed academically as well.

  1. Stay Connected but Respect Their Space

It can be tempting (and at times even necessary) to check in with your child frequently during their first year of college. However, it is important to respect their space and allow them to grow independently. While you should absolutely stay connected, try to limit yourself to weekly check-ins rather than daily calls or text messages. This will allow them the freedom to explore their new environment without feeling like they have to report back home every step of the way.

  1. Help Them Set Realistic Expectations

The first year of college can be brutal academically and socially – but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth it! Help your child set realistic expectations for their first year so that they know what they’re getting into and can better prepare themselves for the challenge ahead. It’s also important that you remind them that there is no shame in seeking out help when they need it – whether that means hiring a tutor or meeting with their professor outside of class.

  1. Celebrate Their Successes…Big and Small!

Last but not least, don’t forget to celebrate your child’s successes – big and small! Whether they land an internship, make the Dean’s List or simply survive their first semester away from home, take the time to acknowledge their hard work and remind them how proud you are of their accomplishments. A little positive reinforcement can go a long way in helping them stay motivated throughout their college career!

College can be an exciting but challenging time for students – but with the right support from parents, it doesn’t have to be overwhelming! By following these simple tips, you can help your freshman thrive socially, emotionally and academically throughout their first year (and beyond).

Marc Lehman

Owner and Founder of U ARE HEARD LLC

www.uareheard.com

The College Mental Health Crisis – What Parents Need to Know ‘in Lehman’s Terms’

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Written By Marc Lehman, Owner and Family Therapist at

U ARE HEARD LLC

It’s no secret that college is a time of stress and anxiety for many students. From the pressure of classes and exams to the social challenges of making new friends, there are plenty of opportunities for things to go wrong. And, unfortunately, mental health issues are on the rise among college students. In fact, a recent study found that anxiety and depression are now the most common health concerns among college students. So, what’s behind this mental health crisis? And what can parents do to help their kids?

The Pressure of College Life

There are a number of factors that can contribute to mental health problems in college students. For one thing, the transition to college life can
be a difficult one. Students may feel homesick or isolated, especially if they’re attending school far from home. Additionally, the academic pressure of college can be overwhelming for some students. With big exams and important papers due, it’s easy to feel like you’re constantly under stress.

The Social Scene

Another factor that can contribute to mental health problems in college students is the social scene. For many students, college is the first time they’re living away from home and surrounded by peers their own age. This can be both exciting and intimidating. There may be pressure to party or drink alcohol, which can lead to problems down the road. Additionally, students may struggle to find their place in the social hierarchy of college life. All of these factors can contribute to feelings of anxiety or depression.

What Can Parents Do?

If you’re the parent of a college student, there are a few things you can do to help your child through this difficult time. First and foremost, it’s important to stay involved in your child’s life and be there for them when they need you. Additionally, you should encourage your child to seek out help if they’re struggling with their mental health. There are a number of resources available on and off campus, such as counseling services or support groups. Finally, you should make sure you’re staying up-to-date on the latest news and research about college mental health so that you can be prepared to help your child if they need it.

The mental health crisis among college students is real and parents need to be aware of the signs of stress and anxiety in their children. If you suspect your child is struggling, don’t hesitate to reach out for help from campus resources or professionals specializing in adolescent mental health. By being involved and informed, you can make sure your child gets the help they need during this challenging time in their lives.

How to Easily Navigate the Stressors of Going Back to School and Anxiety

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You’re not alone if you’re feeling overwhelmed about returning to school. The stress of a new school year can be tough to manage, but there are ways to make it easier on yourself. In this blog post, we’ll discuss some stress relief tips that can help make the transition back to school a little bit easier. We’ll also talk about how to deal with anxiety during this time. Follow these tips, andyou’ll be well on your way to a successful semester!

One of the most important things you can do to reduce stress is to plan. This means getting your supplies ready early, mapping out your schedule, and knowing what to expect in each of your classes. Doing some of the work ahead of time will make you feel more prepared and less stressed when the school year begins.

It’s also important to take time before the semester starts. Make sure you get enough rest so that you’re feeling refreshed and ready to tackle whatever comes your way. And don’t forget to eat healthily! A nutritious diet will help improve your mood and energy levels, which are essential for dealing with stress.

Lastly, stay positive and remember that you’re capable of succeeding. It’s also helpful to talk to someone who understands what you’re going through, like a friend or family member. And finally, don’t hesitate to seek professional help if your anxiety affects your life.

For Parents  

Tips to Ease Your Child’s Back-to-School Anxiety

  • A week or two before school, start preparing children for the upcoming transition by resuming school-year routines, such as setting a realistic bedtime and selecting tomorrow’s clothes.
  • Arrange to play dates with one or more familiar peers before school starts. Research shows that the presence of a typical peer during school transitions can improve children’s academic and emotional adjustment.
  • Visit the school before the school year begins, rehearse the drop-off and spend time on the playground or inside the classroom if the building is open. Have your child practice walking into class while you wait outside or down the hall.
  • Come up with a prize or a rewarding activity that the child could earn for separating from mom or dad to attend school.
  •  Validate the child’s worry by acknowledging that, like any new activity, starting school can be hard but soon becomes easy and fun.

With these stress relief tips in mind, you’ll be ready to face the new school year confidently! Just take things one step at a time and focus on caring for yourself. You got this!

6 Ways to Relax Instantly: Science-Based Strategies

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Do you feel like you’re constantly under pressure? Do you have trouble winding down and relaxing after a long day? If so, you’re not alone. According to the American Psychological Association, stress is one of the most common mental health concerns in the United States. Fortunately, there are many ways to relax instantly and calm your nerves. In this blog post, we will discuss six science-based strategies for relaxation!

Meditation helps with relaxation.

Meditation allows us to observe our thoughts and emotions in a detached, non-judgmental way. Meditating for as little as 10 minutes daily can instantaneously reduce your stress and anxiety. Studies have discovered that meditation can not only help reduce stress, but regular meditation can also minimize the risk of cardiovascular disease.

 

Listen to Music and play your favorite tunes.

According to a 2017 study, “a minimum of 20 min of music listening” can lower stress levels remarkably. Another 2015 study found that listening to Music is highly effective in reducing stress.

The research stated, “Results revealed that mere music listening was effective in reducing emotional stress levels. The most profound effects were found when ‘relaxation’ was stated as the reason for Music listening, with subsequent decreases in subjective stress levels and lower cortisol concentrations.”

 

Try Hydrotherapy

Splashing some cold water on your face and pulse points can help you cool your body temperature and make you feel energized. Running cold water or putting ice on your wrists can help you calm down quickly as major arteries run through the wrists.

Get some sun.

Step out of your home or office for a while and feel the warm sun on your skin. Vitamin D from the sunshine can lift your mood instantly.

Take a quick walk.

Getting some fresh air and moving your body for just 10 minutes can clear your head and make you feel ready for the tasks ahead.

Chew gum.

Chewing gum can help you keep stress away and enhance your productivity and mood.

Stress can have a major impact on our health and well-being, but thankfully there are plenty of ways to relax instantly. The science-based strategies we’ve outlined in this post should help you get started on finding some peace and tranquility in your life. If you’re looking for more assistance in managing stress or would like help incorporating some of these relaxation techniques into your daily routine, don’t hesitate to contact us. We specialize in helping people live their best lives and would be happy to provide guidance and support for reducing stress and achieving optimal wellness.

Coronavirus pandemic causes huge challenges for teens choosing colleges, planning campus tours

Coronavirus pandemic causes huge challenges for teens choosing colleges, planning campus tours

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By Sarah Cody, WTNH.com

MERIDEN, Conn. (WTNH) — High school seniors across the state are facing a new kind of challenge in the age of pandemic as they get ready to go to college: how to tour a campus while adhering to social-distancing precautions.

“I applied to 10 schools,” says Aiden Annino, a senior at Platt High School in Meriden who recently narrowed his choices down to three colleges in Rhode Island but wasn’t able to go back to those campuses due to the pandemic.

“It was definitely tough not being able to visit those schools…was a huge effect, but they were offering a lot of online activities that helped me narrow down my options,” Annino said.

Turning to tech has enabled teens to somewhat get a feel for their potential “fit” at particular schools.

Quinnipiac University was supposed to host prospective students in late March. “Instead of having them on campus, we hosted them virtually,” explained Vice President for Enrollment Management, noting the university held video chats and online panels. “We had about 9,000 visitors between Thursday and Sunday when those events went live.”

Administrators, faculty, and current students were available to answer questions about everything from classes to dorms to activities.

But, Sykes understands, these are unprecedented times. “I can’t imagine the frustration that students are going through,” he says.

“They’re also dealing with the fact they had an abrupt end to their senior year,” says Marc Lehman, founder of U Are Heard, who holds online counseling for college-aged kids. He’s hearing a lot about this issue.

“It’s a big deal, one that deals with finances, emotions,” he says, adding that this unusual time could lead to gap years or transfers. “It may, it may.”

Annino decided to attend Johnson & Wales University. He’s confident it’s the right decision and, certainly, time will tell: “I am taking this one step at a time. I think that’s all we can do right now.”

Quinnipiac University is continuing to provide video chats and online panels. Click here to see the Admitted Student Experience. And, like many schools, it has extended the freshman enrollment deadline to June 1st.

Enough Talk About the Problem, How About a SOLUTION in Stress Management

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Written By Marc Lehman

‘Parent and College Students we need a change.’ This is the headline I read every week or so, as another article gets printed by major publications talking about the immense problem on college campuses with mental health across the country.

I have been a family therapist for over 20 years working with students in HS and College.  I am also a father of two kids 17 and 19 years old. After being around this population of kids professionally and personally I have concluded one very important thing—we need to change the way we offer help to them.

The population of young adults will soon be running our communities.  They will be teachers, police officers, store owners, doctors, nurses and many other professionals.  Many of them will have long histories of mental health issues that are out of control if we don’t make a change soon.

The bottom line is we have a large population on most college campuses of students struggling with anxiety, depression and suicidality.

The stats are shocking:

65% of students with overwhelming anxiety

38% of students with depression

Only 7% of parents report that their student is having mental health problems

Suicide is now the 2nd leading cause of death in college students

A shocking 2/3 of all college students needing help do not get it.

Why are there so many students needing help?

College life can be tremendously stressful in that many students don’t have healthy ways to burn off stress.  They are stressed due to school work and interpersonal conflicts and don’t know how to manage things.

In addition, there is a sparse amount of options for students due to the increased demand and minimal staff that most campuses have.  Campus staff are often overwhelmed and students feel isolated.

The current average ratio nationally of mental health provider to student is 1 to 1700.  For some campuses it is as bad a 1 provider to 2500 students.

This easily translates to many students simply will go without help.  That means many students will remain extremely sad or depressed, overwhelmingly anxious and some may attempt to harm themselves.  Let me remind you all these are our future leaders, our neighbors, and our own kids.

Some estimate as few as only 11% of students who are deemed too need help are actually getting help while at college.  This trend is disturbing.  We need to consider a change.  Changing how to reach students.  This is the basis of why I developed U ARE HEARD.  We are an online coaching solution that helps college students manage their mental health.  I have an amazing staff of coaches with varied backgrounds ready to assist.

The online option has been very appealing to students.  It allows us to end the stigma and negative feeling some students have of going to an office to see someone.  Our students can see us from the privacy of their room, study room in their dorm or even a private room in the library.  We bring the support to them through video sessions.  Video calling is actually done more by college students than phone calling.  Most students are very comfortable having conversations in this format.

The online format has also allowed me to hire coaches throughout the country.  This has increased my ability to have an all-star staff helping students.  I have individuals contacted me daily to work for U ARE HEARD.

If we as parents or students don’t look to get help differently than the way we always have, then the stats listed above will continue and eventually get worse. Why do we as adults accept the same way of doing things if it is not working.

U ARE HEARD is engaging and an easy to use solution.  Many students look forward to meeting and getting the help. As an in office provider of therapy for teens, this is not always the case with many young adults.

We at U ARE HEARD, have helped many as we bring support directly to the student.  We assist through online sessions.  We work within your students schedule and allow for them to get help when they otherwise may not.  Helping students is our passion.  We want students to know there is support available and it doesn’t have to be hard to set up.

We need to change the way we help.

We need to allow students to have their difficulties and BE HEARD.

We need to offer help that works with them and fits into their lifestyle.

We need to offer help that is engaging and appealing so they accept it and want to use it.

Written By Marc Lehman, Family Therapist and College Coach at
U ARE HEARD LLC

Be Grateful – The Simple Concept Many Overlook

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Written By Marc Lehman

As 2019 comes to an end and we head into the new year I am reminded of the power of being grateful.  Being grateful means to be aware and thankful of what you have.  It means being in the moment and recognizing that you have certain things in your world that others may not.  On a daily basis, I observe people simply ignoring this.  It is easy to look ahead and want things you don’t have.

There are not a lot of guarantees in life.  Here are a few things we can predict about our lives.

We will have good days and some bad days.

We will have healthy times and some unhealthy times.

We will be around births and deaths of people we know.

We will have a range of enjoyable and not so enjoyable feelings.

We will have fantastic experiences and some awful ones as well.

Why is being grateful important?

Life is cyclical.  We go through tough times and for many they are followed by good times.  There may be years in your life when holidays are amazing and very enjoyable. There may be times where holidays are difficult and filled with memories that are hard to think about.  Gratitude is being thankful in the moment for what you have.  It also includes not seeking more.

I find that being in the moment can be challenging.  Recognizing where we are currently and truly appreciating what we have is grounding.  It allows us to feel satisfied and emotionally stable.

Being grateful is very good for a person’s self-worth.  The simple act of awareness of what we have and the appreciation for it is healthy.  It allows us to feel good about accomplishments, family, friends, our health and other positive things we have in our world.

Can you name 5 things you are grateful for?  Take a moment and think about this.  These things may change over time, but in the moment right now what are your grateful for?

We all have the ability to be grateful, but many of our lives seem to be moving so fast that stopping to be aware of what you appreciate feels challenging.  I would suggest when you have a quiet moment during your day taking the time the consider what you have in your life.  What do you have that you feel happy about?  The people, places, and things you feel most grateful for.  Do not overlook your health.  When we are feeling good it is extremely important to take time to acknowledge we are well and to consider what we need to continue to do to maintain this.

Most individuals I meet want to feel good about themselves. The simple act of recognizing what you should be grateful for is an easy first step. Being mindful of this on a daily basis allows a person to not only feel better emotionally, but also to savor the feeling of happiness in the moment.

As human beings we all have the ability to stop and think about what we have and too be grateful.  Recognizing what we have and appreciating it allows us the opportunity to get through the tough times in our lives.  It is my hope that we all work harder at harnessing the power of being grateful in the new year.  This will allow for less conflict among people and many more happy days.

Written By Marc Lehman, Family Therapist and College Coach at U ARE HEARD LLC

Why Are So Many College Students Excessively Stressed?

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Written By Marc Lehman

Four tips all college freshmen should know to improve their experience and reduce stress.

Welcome to our special section, Thrive on Campus, devoted to covering the urgent issue of mental health among college and university students from all angles. If you are a college student, we invite you to apply to be an Editor-at-Large, or to simply contribute (please tag your pieces ThriveOnCampus). We welcome faculty, clinicians, and graduates to contribute as well. Read more here.

As a family therapist of 20+ years working with teens and young adults I have noticed a concerning trend. Many young adults in high school and college are extremely stressed out and anxious. Their healthy coping skills are limited and the amount of stress and strain they take in is immense. In order to help your student, it is very important to look at why this is occurring and what can be done to help.

Statistically, the mental health of college students is becoming a huge problem in our country. As an example, suicide is now the second-leading cause of death in college students. We need to start paying attention to this. Why are so many students struggling?  Why are the anxiety and depressive rates continually increasing annually for college students?

Google lists the national graduation rate of college students in 4 years as 42.9% and in 6 years as 61%.

Do those numbers surprise you?

According to College Atlas, 70% of Americans will study at a four-year college, but less than two-thirds will graduate with a degree, and 30% of first-year students drop out after their first year of school. A sizable amount of the students who don’t complete college reference emotional distress or mental health issues as the reason.

Assuming these statistics are all correct, why aren’t we coming up with better ways to take care of our students that are in college?

These are the future leaders in business, healthcare, law, education and many other professions. They will ideally one day be running our country. We are simply teaching students information in classes and not giving them ways to survive the stress of everyday life.  The help that is available for many students often isn’t engaging to them.  They are so busy during the day that taking time for an appointment is very challenging. Most students that need assistance want help to be private and confidential. They want it to be delivered in a way that they are comfortable with. It is these reasons and many more that only 11% of students actual get help when they need it.

Many students get to college as Freshmen completely unprepared.  Most of them think they are prepared and they become overwhelmed quickly. Communal living can be challenging. This type of living is completely new. As a result, the rookie college student needs to learn how to get along with someone they are around a lot.

Tip 1: Learning how to communicate their needs and insist on a baseline level of mutual respect from and to their roommate

This can be practiced at home before students get to school in order to begin their first semester on a positive note. This may feel artificial to role play this, but it does help Freshmen to know what to say and step up and actually say it proactively. Don’t forget this typically small room, called a dorm room, is their new home.  There is very little privacy and in order to get along it will require some level of communication and flexibility.

Academics will often start off slow. Teachers will often spend the first week of a semester reviewing a syllabus and what work will be coming their way.

Tip 2: Get organized

I suggest spending one hour per class that first week getting organized (as there is usually not a lot of work — this will replace the typical work they would do that week). Either use a handwritten calendar that all academic things are written on and then placed somewhere in the room they have to glance at it several times daily.  Or a computerized calendar that syncs to their phone (otherwise known as the thing they have on them all the time). Everything on the syllabus should be on this calendar. They then follow this one convenient tool to stay organized and reduce stress around procrastination of getting work done. Getting into the habit of looking at this multiple times a day to prepare for that evening or the rest of their week will actually reduce anxiety. As a rule, I suggest two to four hours daily of out of class work. This can be reading, writing papers, or studying. This should be split up and not done all at once.

The social side of college is also very important. Many students arrive at college with social experiences. Most are different than what they will encounter while at college. The basic change of living together with many other students on their hallway is vastly different for public high school graduates. Socializing and spending time with other students can be a great way to burn stress and manage anxiety.

Tip 3: Encourage your student to join a formal club or intramural on campus

Have them look up on their school’s website what clubs or intramurals their school has, and push them to go to an initial meeting. It may be a formal club or intramural. Either way it will require some energy to make a first meeting to see if they may enjoy it. This is a fantastic was to meet students outside of their dorm. Having an outlet to socialize clearly reduces stress for students, as they have people to spend time with, get advice from, and go to if they are experiencing difficulties.

Tip 4: Be open and friendly to others in your dorm 

Students don’t recognize initially that their dorm neighbors are a perfect group to make friends with. They always come back to the same place each evening and often students will go to dinner together as a group. For students to be included in this type of socializing they need to leave their door open and be friendly upon seeing new people in the hallways.

Communicating well with roommates, beginning the semester organized, spending two to four hours on out of class work, socializing in the dorm and joining a club or intramural is the formula for a happy college freshmen. My happiest students have done each of these things. This leads to a balanced world and a managed amount of anxiety.

Getting help when needed is also super important. U ARE HEARD is an engaging and easy to use solution. U ARE HEARD is online coaching for college students.  We see students for video sessions as they are very comfortable with this type of communication.  Many students look forward to meeting and getting this type of help.

U ARE HEARD, has helped many as we bring support directly to the student.  We assist through online sessions.  We work within your students schedule and allow for them to get help when they otherwise may not. Helping students is our passion. We want students to know there is support available and it doesn’t have to be hard to set up.

We are dedicated to impacting the statistics I referenced in the beginning of this article.  There needs to be a change in the way we offer help to students. U ARE HEARD is the modern way of students getting the help they need.

Written By Marc Lehman, Family Therapist and College Coach at U ARE HEARD LLC

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