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Suicide loss support takes on a deeply human dimension in this conversation with Greg Kligman. He opens up about a decade on crisis lines and in survivor groups, explaining how empathy and presence help families carry the weight of traumatic loss. Listeners hear about the Survivor Support Program, why stigma and shame surround suicide, and how simple outreach can ease crushing isolation. Greg also shares the practices that protect his own wellbeing and offers practical ways anyone can contribute to a culture of compassion without burning out.

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Inside Suicide Loss Support: Healing Conversations With Greg Kligman

I am here to talk about mental health and wellness with a very excited guest, Greg Kligman. Greg, welcome to the program. How are you?

Thank you, Marc. I’m doing well. I’m grateful for the opportunity to be here and talk about a very important topic, among others.

From Amazon To Crisis Support

I appreciate it. Greg, why don’t we jump in? Tell us a little bit about yourself.

Why don’t I do it in the reverse order that people usually might do it? I’m going to start in reverse chronology with the most recent. I became a coach certified with the International Coach Federation. That was an outcropping of work I was doing before, which was at Amazon Web Services. I was there for about four years. I started on the employee engagement team. I transitioned into leadership development, where I started my coaching trajectory. I finished it after I left the company.

Before Amazon, I worked at a communication skills training company in a sales role. We were helping people learn how to be effective communicators on the spot, how to do presentation skills, and how to be an effective writer before computers came along and did everybody’s writing for us, which is maybe the case right now with AI and so on. Amazon was one of my clients. That’s what led to my transition into Amazon. All along at that time, I was doing what I wanted to focus on here, which is the volunteer work that I’ve been doing for the past ten years or so through the Distress Centres of Greater Toronto.

 

 

I live in Montreal, which is my hometown. I moved back here a few years ago, but I lived in Toronto for about twenty years. There, I began volunteering with the Distress Centres of Greater Toronto, first on the crisis line. It’s called the crisis line. There’s nothing funny about it, but an actual acute crisis or the most serious thing we could ever face on the crisis line would be what we call a suicide in progress, where we have to get very active and quickly take control. That is such a rare occurrence, at least it was for me. I got maybe one or two calls in the two years that I did that work.

By and large, it’s people calling out of isolation, which is crushing. People want to reach out and connect with another human being. It was through that work that I got into the next stage of my volunteer work within Distress Centres of Greater Toronto, which is what I’ve been doing ever since. I stopped working on the distress line. I joined what’s called the Survivor Support Program, which is run by a gentleman named Alex Shendelman. As far as I know, not only is it unique in Canada, but it’s unique in the world, where volunteers specifically work with people who have suffered traumatic loss. It is mainly suicide, but there are homicide supports as well, which I’ve done a little bit of.

I’ve focused on supporting people who have lost somebody to suicide, starting off mostly working with individuals. Since then, I have focused mainly on working in groups. The participants have the choice. Do they want to be in what we call a one-on-one or in a group? Many people do both. It’s never one-on-one. It’s always a volunteer team. They pair a volunteer who has lived experience, who themselves have lost somebody to suicide, and somebody who has not. I’m the one who has not lost somebody to suicide. Since then, I’ve become part of their training to train new volunteers. It has changed my life in numerous ways.

It was that experience and the training I got in listening, empathy, and being supportive that I brought a lot of into Amazon. I created a workshop called the Language of Empathy, which was on how to lead with empathy. I also introduced a grief group. This was a serendipitous thing. It wasn’t part of my job description. My manager at Amazon said, “Greg, when you’re at Amazon, it’s not so much what you do. It’s what else you do.” They’re always welcoming new ideas to bring to the table. In that case, I launched a group for child and baby loss, which is not something I’d ever expected to be involved with. It’s not something I have personal experience with, but there was a need for it.

Certainly, there are a lot of overlaps in terms of how you support somebody going through that kind of grief, because grief essentially is grief. We’re all going to experience it eventually, if we haven’t already. Suicide loss has some particularities that are unique to that kind of grief, unfortunately. If I had to list three, it would be stigma, shame, and guilt. This is one of the unfortunate things about people who are dealing with having lost a loved one to suicide. In the many people I’ve worked with, I don’t know that I’ve ever met one who hasn’t blamed themselves in some way. “I could have, should have, what if,” and that kind of thing.

Grief is grief, and we're all going to experience it eventually. Share on X

The Profound Impact Of Suicide Loss: A Therapist’s Perspective

I’ve worked with some families myself that have been impacted by suicide. You’re right. It is a different type of loss. You’ve got quite a bit of experience. I want to frame this a bit for families. Suicide is a topic that nobody likes to talk about. It’s a topic that I think most people avoid talking about. It’s a topic that is out there. A bit about my background, Greg, I work with students across the country in various college settings and have been doing so for quite some time now.

It’s quite sad. Often, maybe a dozen times a year, I hear a story from a student. It’s always the same context as someone who took their own life on a particular campus. Maybe my student knows them. Maybe they don’t. The ripple effect of all of the people who are affected by that loss is tremendous. You’re right there in the middle of working with families that have been affected. What is that like? Can you describe that?

It’s many things. It’s a privilege to do it, but I’m not going to sugarcoat it. It’s some of the hardest conversations I’ve had in my life. What I’m offering in those conversations is mainly presence, empathy, and holding space for them to express themselves and to talk. It’s the stories I’ve heard and seeing what people live with every day. I have to say that when it is young people, I tell people grief is not a competition. Sometimes, people will be in a group, and they’ll say, “I just lost my brother. I didn’t lose my child.” It’s like, “You didn’t just lose your brother.” There is something particularly awful about young people who are drawn to that outcome. I’m not going to use the word decision because that’s a pretty contentious word to use. Is it actually a choice? They’re drawn to that outcome. It’s awful.

It is leaving people with a lot of pain. Awful covers it in terms of its impact. As we’re talking about this topic, I want families to understand, too, the why behind it. I created Normalize It Forward to be able to have these hard conversations and to be able to talk about these difficult topics, mainly so that we can avoid having to be in them and avoid having to experience them. There are young people out there who are hurting, isolating, and by themselves. They’re at risk. The risk is very real, Greg, as you know.

Could I give a quick message because you mentioned young people?

Yes, please.

Young people or less young people, anybody tuning in, if you’re having thoughts of taking your own life, please talk to somebody. I assure you. You’re not alone. It’s awful. You probably feel alone. You feel that nobody can understand what you’re going through. You might be right. You might be living with a level of pain that nobody can understand. I don’t want to say that’s not true, but there are people who care, who will listen to you, and who do want to help. Please do talk to somebody.

Volunteering For Connection: How To Offer Support And Empathy

Such an excellent point, Greg. I appreciate you putting that out there. I would highlight that over and over again. It’s amazing to me when young people do reach out. Not only are there people out there, but how many people out there care? There are a lot of people out there who care, and a lot of people out there who understand. One thing that always bothers me is when young people struggle by themselves because they shouldn’t be by themselves. You’re doing tremendous work, Greg. It’s amazing what you’ve done over the years. Tell my audience. How does a person get involved in something like this?

I suspect wherever you happen to be living, and I’m speaking directly to the audience now, there are probably organizations, community service organizations, and so on that are looking for people. Look up volunteering, helping, and supporting. See what’s out there. That’s how I did it. It started with a Google search. In my case, I knew it was something I wanted to do going back to when I was a teen. I remember that I called the distress line.

I don’t remember what I spoke about, but I do remember how I felt after the call. The only words I remember that the woman said to me during our conversation were, “That sounds hard, Greg.” Hearing those words that somebody was validating the fact that what I said sounds hard, even though I never met her, and she was a voice, had such tremendous therapeutic value that I felt somebody got it. People lose hope for many reasons, but one of the worst things is when you feel hopeless that nobody gets it, and there’s no help.

You hit the nail on the head. You also said this before we started recording. I want to bring it back to our conversation. I’m a licensed therapist. I’ve been doing this for 25 years. You don’t need to be a licensed therapist. You need to be a human being. You need to be a person who expresses empathy, care, and concern. You need to be a good listener. A lot of people fall into that category.

Thanks for bringing that up. It’s true. The Distress Center Program runs on peer support. You don’t need to be a therapist. Anywhere in your life, you’re going to have an opportunity to be supportive of people who are grieving. I want you to know, don’t be worried about saying the perfect thing because there is no perfect thing. There is nothing you can say that’s going to take the pain away. Take that pressure right off yourself. There are no such words that can do that. If you show that you care and you’re available to listen, even send a text saying, “Thinking about you. No need to respond.”

Don't worry about saying the perfect thing. There is no perfect thing to say that will take the pain away. So take the pressure off yourself. Share on X

That’s big.

It is to take the pressure off, but to let them know, check in. We hear that a lot. People feel that a lot of their community is going away. As you said before, people are very uncomfortable with the topic of suicide. People are uncomfortable with any version of death. It scares a lot of people because it’s waiting for us all, and we prefer not to talk about it. Suicide takes that to an extra level.

What do you possibly say to somebody who has lost a family member to suicide? “I don’t know what to say to somebody. There is nothing to say. I understand that people could put that on themselves. I don’t know what I’m going to say. I’m only going to make it worse if I say something, so I’m not going to say anything. I’m just going to let them come to me.” The heart is in the right place when one is thinking that, but the impression it could leave is, “People are afraid of me now,” or “They’re avoiding me.”

That could add to the loneliness that people feel when they’re dealing with this. I would urge people to invite conversation. Don’t force it, especially if it’s something that happened recently. People are taking their lives not only day by day. Sometimes, it’s minute by minute. A text showing, “I’m thinking about you. Available if you want to talk. No need to respond,” that’s important. Any extra pressure is an extra heavy weight at that point.

Youth Mental Health In The Digital Age: Social Media’s Influence

Let me ask your opinion about something because you’re around this a lot. The stats on mental health, especially for young people, are moving in the wrong direction. The suicide rates are up tremendously. From your point of view, is there one reason? Are there several reasons? What seems to be causing some of that?

Marc, this is strictly in the domain of my opinion because I’m not an expert in any of this. I would say social media presents a perfect life that is not attainable for a lot of people. I would say that bullying is very easy online. People will be mean online in a way that they wouldn’t if they were face-to-face. You can type something. I’ve seen with my own teen daughter that what goes on is that there will be these group chats that she gets pulled into. People will start sending screenshots of group chats to other people. These are teenagers.

Social media presents a perfect life that is not attainable for a lot of people. Share on X

Teenage is hard in the best of times, but social media has made it a lot harder. It’s so easy to be nasty to one another. I’d like to think it makes it easier to be nice to one another, too. It’s not all doom and gloom. From what I’ve seen, social media has made people more isolated and more likely to aspire to something impossible. They’re aspiring to something that even if they got it, it wouldn’t give them the satisfaction and happiness they think, the perfect lives, these influencers, and so on. There’s so much insincerity now. A lot of young people don’t know where they fit. Marc, I defer to your expertise on this. As I said, I’m just giving my opinion.

It’s a great opinion. I would add to what you said about satisfaction. I heard it from a young person in my office asking young people, “What would satisfy you? What would make you feel satisfied as a human being in the future?” Most of them don’t have answers. Most of them have no idea. It’s part of our journey in life to try to figure out what makes us happy. Unfortunately, some young people are searching down the wrong paths. Social media can be detrimental to some kids. It’s also done in privacy.

For us as parents, unless you’re aware of what your child is doing online all the time, there are probably some things that you’re not aware of. Some of it can get pretty awful or pretty terrible. As you said, Greg, I have the opinion as well that social media can be used for positive reasons. One of the things I do with my business is to spread the gospel, this type of stuff. It’s got its intentions. I will say this, and I don’t know if you see this with your daughter. It’s an intense world that we live in. It is way more intense, in my opinion, than when we were kids.

I often find myself, when I’m working with young people, thinking, “What would it be like for me if I were a sixteen-year-old or a seventeen-year-old now?” The qualifications in the United States to get into certain colleges have gone way up. It is the intensity of life. I remember when I was a kid. I love baseball. I play Little League. You play your game, you’d have your soda, you’d go home, and that would be it. Now, kids are playing three games a day. They’re in four different leagues. It doesn’t seem fun to me. It seems intense.

They’re being overprogrammed and so on. I totally get that. Also, when I went to university, it was never expected that getting a job would be easy. I can’t imagine what it’s like now when you go into university and you’re hearing through your other ear, “All those jobs you think you’re going to be getting, AI is going to be doing that.” What are you at? I can’t imagine the stress and the prices of everything. Real estate has gone up.

What is it like to be a teenager now? I’m going to go to university. I earned my way in. Am I actually going to be able to learn skills that I could earn a living with in the world when all I hear is that AI is going to be taking over so many jobs? What is it like to feel that the prices of everything are going up? The jobs are going away. Somehow, I’ve got to figure this out. I’m sure it was never easy to be a teenager, but I can’t help but think that nowadays, it’s got to be incrementally or exponentially harder than it ever has been before.

Prioritizing Personal Wellbeing: The Non-Negotiable Art Of Self-Care

I would agree. I see it every day. It’s definitely a challenge. Let me shift away from that for a minute, Greg, and ask within the vein of mental health and wellness. I’m always asking about self-care. I feel like that’s a buzz phrase that people throw around a lot. They mean different things by it. What does self-care mean to Greg?

Self-care is certain things to Greg. I also want you to know that self-care is an actual topic that we are very deliberate about when we do the support work, not only for people who are grieving, but also among the volunteers who are supporting people who are grieving. Self-care to me means being deliberate about it and not making it an afterthought. It’s realizing that life is hard. I’m doing hard things. I’m carrying a mental burden, especially for some of the co-volunteers who happen to be empaths. They face an extra burden. When I say empath, you have to be wired that way to be so in touch with your fellow humans.

Self-care means being deliberate about it—not making it an afterthought. Share on X

It is to be deliberate and realize that it’s hard. I’m going to realize that it’s hard. I’m not going to be ashamed of that. I’m going to budget time for myself to give myself pleasure and rest, whatever that is for me. If you’re an empath, dealing with a world like this, I urge you to take it seriously because you’re carrying weight that other people are not. To me, self-care is being deliberate about realizing that I deserve to recharge my batteries, and I’m going to figure out what that is for me. I’m going to make sure it happens. I’m going to do it unabashedly, without compunction and without shame. I’m going to make that happen for myself.

It’s so interesting. When I talk to some people who get the concept, they talk about self-care like it’s a pillar of your world. It has to be, in order to survive. Other people talk about it like it’s optional. The individuals who talk about it like it’s optional, oftentimes, become inundated with the stressors of life. I like the way you put that. That’s important. It’s carried out differently for different people. Some people play pickleball. Some people lift weights. Some people meditate. Some people write poetry. There are lots of different ways to take good care of oneself. The bottom line and the message you’re sending is a great one, Greg. You should take care of yourself. You should find a way or several ways to do that.

I don’t want to get preachy here, but I will for the next ten seconds if I have your permission.

Go ahead.

I want to disabuse some people of a possible belief they have that running on all eight cylinders or nine cylinders is a badge of honor, not taking vacations. We’re talking about young people doing homework until midnight every night. Good enough is good enough.

Good enough is good enough. Share on X

No doubt. That’s a great message to send. As a matter of fact, I find that those people often get sick, the people who run that way.

That doesn’t surprise me. I’m sure that underpins a lot of mental health struggles. People don’t give themselves any grace and don’t realize they have the right to ease back and honor whatever it is about themselves that gives them joy. They don’t have to always be firing, achieving, yearning, and striving. For what? You might get that pot of gold, but who are you going to be? How healthy are you going to be at that point? What are the values you’re living by here? Make your own mental and physical health a key value and a key pillar of your life. Work backwards from that. I am off my soapbox now.

Empowering Youth: Good Enough Is Good Enough

I like how you said that. You can’t say it enough. It’s important. I’m curious for a young person tuning in, Greg. Maybe they’ve never done that before. Maybe they’ve never prioritized it. Do you have any suggestions for a team?

When I got the expression, “Good enough is good enough,” I didn’t make that up myself. It was actually a therapist who was working with my older daughter. A number of years ago, she was very much a perfectionist. She didn’t see 95 on a test as an achievement. She saw it as she blew 5%. She’s probably a bad person because of that. She was driving herself to be sick. The message was, “Good enough is good enough.” Do your work. Try your best. We’re not saying don’t do that, but then ease off.

Honor the fact that you’re not a machine. You’re a human. You’re allowed to make mistakes. You don’t need to get 95. She happens to be academically inclined. My other daughter is quite a bit less so. In her case, we’re celebrating a passing grade. That’s fine. I told her, “I don’t care what your mark is. I just care that you worked hard and did your best. That’s okay. Live healthily.”

It’s funny. Young people lose sight of that so much. I joke that I have an occupation where I hang my degrees on my wall. In 25 years, I’ve been asked about it five times, three of which people wanted to talk about basketball. People don’t care. They’re talking to me about intimate things in my office. You would think they would care. I say that because kids put so much pressure on themselves.

This is what kids say to me in my office. “My grades will lead to my school, which will lead to my occupation, which will lead to my happiness.” I hear that sometimes from kids who are 15, 16, or 17 years old. I talk about it a lot because I want kids to understand that most of us in our generation, if we were in school and we were pursuing something, our path would change four or five times throughout the journey. It’s almost impossible to lay that out and stay with it all the way through.

I’d love to ask you, Marc. When kids or young adults talk like that, where is that coming from? Whose voice is that? I’m sure there are some people, it’s within that they’ve got this fire. Are they living somebody else’s life? Where’s that message coming from that is the trajectory to a happy, fulfilling life?

 

 

It comes from a few places. For some kids, that comes from internally. For some kids, that comes from their parents. Some kids get it offline. They see an individual in their 40s or 50s with endless bank accounts and a big smile on their face. They think, “I have to be on a certain path to get into that occupational world.” What’s sad is nine times out of ten, the person they’re seeing isn’t real. The path is marketed specifically to engage them. Kids are too young to see that. It’s a great question about where it comes from.

I would say to you that, on the whole, kids chase happiness. That’s what they want. They want to be happy, but oftentimes, they do that in the wrong way. Putting pressure on oneself at 15, 16, or 17 years old, or putting immense pressure on them to the point where we have to put them in a hospital or something like that, is not the way to seek happiness. I like what you said earlier. It is recognizing when you’re putting your best foot forward. It doesn’t matter what the grades are. If you’re doing your best, that should be enough.

Beyond Formal Practice: Finding Your Own Path To Meditation

Results do matter, but at what expense? At what cost? I also want to ask you. You mentioned the word that stuck with me earlier when we were talking about self-care. You mentioned meditation. This is Greg’s opinion again. Some form of meditation can be one of the most important things you could do for having a contented, happy life. It doesn’t mean you need to sit with your eyes closed for hours or go to a retreat. What I mean is becoming aware of your own thoughts and the influence they have on you. What do you think of that?

Do you believe that meditation is something that should be encouraged with young people to notice, “What is the story I’m telling myself?” and to step back and realize, “That’s not me. That’s just the story. These thoughts, I’m watching it like a movie. You’ve got to do more. You suck if you don’t do this, or if you don’t get that new purse, you suck. I’ve learned, and it’s taken a lot of work and discipline, to hear the story and to see it for what it is. I can choose how to engage it, but it’s separate from me now. I’m not just living the reality of my story. I’m going to examine my thoughts and what I want to do about them.” How practical do you think that is as a tool for young people?

It’s very practical. I would say to you that meditation, in my eyes, comes in various forms. I’m sure there are people out there who are going to disagree with me. I like to get a bucket of balls, go to the golf course, and hit balls off the range. That’s meditative to me. It helps me think things through. A nice, long bike ride helps me think things through. When young people think of meditation, they think of one avenue. I think of lots of different behaviors that can be meditative. The point is always exactly what you said, which is being more aware of your thoughts and where they’re coming from. Do you, in fact, digest those? That’s never a thought that kids have. “Should I always digest it?”

 

 

“Should I swallow this thought, spit it out, or let it fly by?” You also mentioned some other important things about golf or bike riding, which is also self-care. If you’re someone who knows that hitting a few balls or riding a bike is good for you, then do that. Carve out time and defend that time. Turn off whatever you need to do. That is your time. You have every right to do that. It pays dividends in your life. You’ll be a better, happier, more fulfilled, and content person. You’ll show up in the world better. You’ll be better for everyone.

Greg, that’s excellent advice. I’m hoping people are tuning in. I personally do that. I’ve met people who do that. We were talking about happiness earlier. That creates happiness. It creates satisfaction. I’m a better dad. I’m a better therapist. I’m a better person when I take care of myself. To me, if this world were filled with people who took that seriously and protected that time, we’d have more smiles on faces than we do now. It’s an excellent piece of advice. It is definitely something young people should digest, think about, and consider how they could do it. It’s unique to everybody, but it’s something special and important. When the world gets on us and sits on us, and we’re overwhelmed, we have to have a go-to or two.

No Time For Self-Care? Why You Must Make It

This is something that ties into the grief work, but it’s also a universal principle. Maybe it’s not so much one that affects younger people, but definitely their parents. I’m wondering how you would handle this when somebody tells you, “I don’t have that luxury. I have responsibilities to take care of people. What you’re saying is great. I see the value, but I don’t have the time. I have kids, I’ve got the job, and I cannot afford the luxury of focusing on me.”

I would say bluntly to make the time. The time doesn’t have to be an hour or two. It could be fifteen minutes. It could be ten minutes. There are times when I’m in my office and I’m stressed because I’ve seen a lot of patients. I go outside, and I take a walk for five minutes. That fresh air clears my head. Moving my muscles a little bit clears my head. It is necessary for human beings. When people say that, because I’ve heard that many times, it’s an excuse. That’s all it is. If we needed to, if God forbid, our doctor said, “Marc, you know what? You just had a heart attack. You have to do this now,” we will somehow find the time.

People might be waiting for a heart attack. That’s the challenge.

That’s a good place for us to end the conversation. Don’t wait for the heart attack. Make sure that you’re taking good care of yourselves. Please hear Greg’s words. They landed with me. I’m hoping they land with parents and kids out there as well. We all need to take care of each other, but we also need to take a look at how we’re doing with ourselves.

Greg, thank you so much for your time. I know you’re super busy. Please hear me say a huge thank you from Connecticut. The work that you’re doing is so valuable. I can only imagine those families needing that opportunity to be heard and to be present with. You’re providing that. Just know that what you’re doing is massive. For those families in need, it’s immense for them. Thank you so much for what you do.

It is a pleasure and an honor. So nice to talk to you, Marc. Thank you so much.

 

Important Links

• Greg Kligman on LinkedIn
• Distress Centres of Greater Toronto
• Survivors of Suicide and Homicide Loss – Distress Centres Of Greater Toronto

 

About Greg Kligman

A certified coach with the International Coach Federation whose path into coaching grew out of years of professional and volunteer experience. Greg spent four years at Amazon Web Services, beginning on the employee engagement team before moving into leadership development—where his coaching journey truly took off. Prior to that, he worked in sales for a communications training company, helping people sharpen their presentation, writing, and on-the-spot communication skills.

But what really grounds Greg’s work is his decade-long commitment to mental health advocacy. While living in Toronto, he began volunteering on the crisis line with the Distress Centers of Greater Toronto. Over time, he transitioned into the Survivor Support Program, where he has spent years walking alongside people coping with traumatic loss—primarily supporting those who have lost someone to suicide. Now back in his hometown of Montreal, Greg continues to carry this vital work forward, blending professional expertise with deep compassion.

 

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