Host Marc Lehman sits down with former NBA star and NCAA National Champion Ben Gordon to discuss the realities of athlete mental health and overcoming life transitions. Maintaining optimal athlete mental health requires honest conversations, intentional daily routines, and self-acceptance both on and off the court. Ben helped lead UConn to the 2004 National Championship before being selected third overall in the 2004 NBA Draft by the Chicago Bulls. In recent years, Ben has been open about his personal journey with mental health, using his experiences to advocate for greater awareness, understanding, and support. He candidly shares how early athletic mentorship shaped his perspective on the mental game, the challenges of navigating public pressure, and his shift toward holistic wellness practices like intermittent fasting and fascia stress therapy. Ben also offers crucial advice for young adults struggling in silence, emphasizing the power of self-surrender, intentional communication, and slowing down in a hyper-connected world. This powerful discussion highlights why true strength lies in accepting who you are and building a grounded foundation for lasting resilience.
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Navigating Mental Health, Growth, And Wellness Beyond Basketball With Ben Gordon
Welcome to the show, everybody. I am here to talk about mental health and wellness. I am joined by Ben Gordon of UConn and NBA fame. Ben, how are you?
I’m doing great, Marc. How are you doing, sir?
I’m good. I caught you right in the middle of a bite there. Ben is kind enough to join us and chat a little bit about mental health and wellness. Thanks for being here, Ben. I appreciate it. Ben is a former NBA star, NCAA national champion, and one of the most accomplished basketball players to come out of the University of Connecticut. Ben helped lead UConn to the 2004 National Championship before being selected third overall in the 2004 NBA draft by the Chicago Bulls.
During his eleven-year NBA career, he earned NBA Sixth Man of the Year honors as a rookie and became known as one of the league’s most dynamic scorers. In recent years, Ben’s been open about his personal journey with mental health, using his experiences to advocate for greater awareness, understanding, and support. He’s focused on helping others through wellness initiatives and by sharing his story to reduce stigma and encourage honest conversation about mental health and wellness. Ben, thank you so much for joining us. I really appreciate it.
That’s my pleasure anytime.
As you can see, Ben is obviously into wellness. He is currently eating his watermelon and staying hydrated. I appreciate you doing that, Ben. Again, thanks for being here. I really appreciate it. I have to say, as a therapist, as a longtime Husky fan. One other thing before we jump in here. Ben, let me put this up.
What you got?
Let me put that up. You see that, Ben? That’s the shot.
It’s so far away. Bring it closer.
How’s that? Look at that. That’s the shot from that year, right?
The one we took to beat Duke.
Those of you who are listening who are UConn fans are well trained to dislike Duke, so that was quite a moment. Ben, you have created quite a few moments on the basketball court, and I want to talk to you a little bit about that. I want to talk to you a little bit today about wellness and young adults, and would love to get your opinions on things. Are you ready? I’m going to fire some questions at you.
I’m ready, man. Let’s go.
Ben, looking back, when did you first realize that your mental health really deserved as much attention as your physical health? What age?
Sixth grade.
At that time, what was going on for you?
I just joined the Boys and Girls Club in Mount Vernon. Where Lowes Moore was. I guess the director of the Boys and Girls Club. This was my first time, like, joining the club. It’s like YMCA, Boys and Girls Club type. This was my first experience with that as a kid. As a hooper, I remember I wanted these Olaf shirts. Anybody who’s from New York and grew up in the ‘90s, that Olaf was a store in Harlem where they had. These cool, like, basketball shirts. You would see all the guys, all the streetball players playing with them in Rucker and different tournaments and stuff. That’s where it started.
Lowes Moore, who was an alumnus of Mount Vernon High School. Also, had an NBA career. As I said, he was running the Boys and Girls Club, the programs and stuff. When I joined, I think pretty quickly he must have noticed something that stood out to him about me. We would have these conversations about development and skill training and the physical and mental aspects of the game of basketball.
Understanding the Mental Ninety Percent
That’s why I said sixth grade, because that was the first time I remember having a conversation with anybody about the mental side of the game. Lowes would always tell me how the game was like 90% mental and 10% physical. That was the thing that perplexed me right there as a kid was, wait, first of all, how is the game mental? Why is it such a big percentage mental as opposed to physical?
Sounds like he was a real mentor.
He was a real mentor, but he was also very cerebral. The way he would even ask you a question or tell you something, it made you just want to ponder on it a little bit more. I had actually had a conversation with him two days ago.
He’s remained in your world all this time.
Certain people in my life are like staples. Whether I talk to them every day or once a year, it’s still going to be the same type of vibe. Just because the things that we may have accomplished together were so polarizing. I share a lot of polarizing experiences with people.
Basketball taught me that performance is ninety percent mental. Taking care of your mind is the real key to lasting growth. Share on XThat makes sense.
It stands out to us. Remember this happened? I have a lot of moments like that where there are a lot of people, and then I hear people telling me all the time, “Man, you won me this. I won money with this.” I’m like, “There’s so many people that tell me they won money off me.” I’m like, “Nobody ever just came up and just offered me dinner. I’m like, “You’re making this money?
I have to say, I appreciate you making the time, Ben. If I’m ever in your neck of the woods, I’ll take you out to dinner. How about that?
I’m not too far, man. I’m not too far away. Be careful, I’ve been working up this appetite. That watermelon you told me to eat, that’s after fasting. That was just a little appetizer.
Tell me, I guess that leads me into like daily habits. Ben, you’ve been through a lot with basketball. Your career was very public and in the center stage in many ways, certainly in college and professionally. I guess I’m wondering, just shifting to like some of your daily habits, whether it be back then or even now that contribute to you being an athletic individual, what kind of daily habits do you incorporate?
I was eating a watermelon. I just cut off the end of a watermelon. My mom had a nice seeded watermelon, which seems like it’s hard to find these days.
It is.
It’s weird. I remember being a kid, and everything had seeds in it. Now if you even know that things are supposed to have seeds in them. There are probably some kids who do not even realize that this fruit has no seeds.
That’s true.
Just things like that. I would say I fast, intermittently fast a lot, just because I think growing up, I would just get up and like to eat. I had a schedule. Right now, I do not have a schedule as a retired person. My schedule depends on what things are going on in my life at the moment in time. That’s how I dictate my schedule. What’s going on in my life? Where am I at? What are my responsibilities at the time? Things like that. I have to compartmentalize things a lot. Because of my family situation, there are times when I might be by myself for a very long time.
Building Daily Rules Around Self Acceptance
I might have all my kids and be with all my other relatives and things like that. For me, something that’s helped me above and beyond is just one, accepting everything as is without trying to even fix anything. Just accepting myself for who I am. I do not think I did pretty good. I didn’t do that bad. After a while, I did pretty good. When you keep things, the more you make things simple, and you’re like, “How do I accept who I am? When I look in the mirror, do I accept who I am as a man?”
Everything in my agenda on a day-to-day basis just starts with that, is like, is it in line with who I see myself as a person? Meaning the things I am going to do for that day? Even down to eating, I am not going to get up and eat right away. To me, eating is something I have to build up to every day. This is just at this point in time, because you might catch me in the wintertime and I’m like, “Man, I just had the biggest breakfast with.”
It shifts and changes.
That’s the thing, it’s like there’s ebbs, and there’s different ebbs and flows in life. I’ve had to learn how to just be adaptable. A lot of people may not have to be learning how to be adaptable. Some people may not leave the site. I start off just intermittent fasting. It depends on my schedule. Like, “Am I going to work out that day? Am I going to train somebody that day? Am I going to stretch somebody that day?” It could vary. It might be a day where I do not have anything in the morning to do. I’m like, “This morning is just about me.” Starting my day off, getting off on the right foot.
Obviously, there are certain things I have to do every day, like errands. I’ve got to make sure my kids are eating. I have to make sure my bills are paid, whatever it is, whatever meetings may be, whatever updates I need to become privy to. There’s just certain things that are going to happen whether I want them to or not every day. I have to find a way to be an administrator to basically a multi-million-dollar or high net worth family office. I’m like the administrator because it’s my family, it’s my finances, my investments. That’s pretty much taking care of my life, my lifestyle.
That’s always out in the forefront, but a lot of those things become day-to-day things that are just. You can put things on autopay, and you can predict what your normal things are going to be. There are schedules with my kids. As I said, all that stuff depends. I would say my schedule depends. I’m truly retired. I’m not really a stay-at-home dad, because again, I’m a single father and I have three kids. My oldest son plays basketball, so I train him. I coached him.
Not like coaching him up like on a team or anything, but like if he has a game, I’ll go watch his game, and I’ll coach him up like just in the house. Talking to him about the game, the mental aspect, the mindset. Right out the bat. I understand very well the importance of mental health because I’ve struggled in that area. I’ve had to do things to bolster, not bolster, but I’ve had to do things and make changes in my life to make sure that when I feel myself having a bad day or what have you, that I’m able to just do my things, the routines that help me. It might be yoga.
Sounds like you have a number of different things on that list, Ben, things that you use to help you and remain stable. Let me ask you a little bit more about that, because I think you referenced passing along some of that information to your son, but also that’s information you’ve used over the years and gained over the years to remain strong. Let me ask you this. If a young person, let’s say a college student, is tuning in and they’re experiencing some of their own mental health difficulties. They’re telling everybody, “I’m fine,” because they just do not want to deal with it. What could they do? Any suggestions? What do you think?
Don't let your phone dictate your morning routine. Slow down and check in with yourself before you tap into the noise. Share on XThe first thing is they may really feel like they are fine. I feel like there are certain default answers that most young people give these days when you ask them, “How are you doing?” They all say, “Good. Okay. Fine.” That’s pretty much the baseline for how these kids are feeling. They’re just feeling like, “I’m good. Everything is so and so. It’s cool. It’s fine. It’s not a big deal.” I do not know how many times I’ve asked my child, like, “How are you doing? How was your day at school today?” He’s given me an elaborate answer. It’s a lot deeper than that. It’s not that hard. It’s not that easy these days to figure out how people are doing. Most people do not even know how they’re doing themselves because they’re not even taking the time to figure out how they’re doing.
Just slow down.
Breaking Free From Digital Automation
Everybody’s rushing. Everybody’s on their phone. I do not know how many people who used to wake up and like to kneel at the end of their bed and say a prayer at night and in the morning. I do not know how many people still do that because it’s a phone now. Before you can think about your spirituality or your mental health, it’s just easier to animate and just do this, something like that. It doesn’t require much thinking. What’s happening in that situation is, I feel like the parents these days have to be more emotionally intelligent. If I’m talking to my kid and every single day he gives me the same automated response, there’s something seriously wrong.
A parent who’s busy and doesn’t want to necessarily or doesn’t necessarily have the time to delve into something like, what does okay mean? I do not know what that means. I’ll just tell my son, “I do not know what this means.” Even though the word means one, it’s a deeper level. Like, “I do not know what insert hair stands for because it doesn’t feel like anything. It just feels like I had to say something. I said, “It’s okay.” As a robot almost. I do not know about people anymore. We lost the plot.
You’re accurate there in that lots of kids really avoid even thinking about how they’re doing. To be honest, so do adults on some level. If I’m hearing you right, one of the suggestions you’re making is to slow down and have some time for yourself.
I took my son to the airport. He has a trip planned with his mom, so I took him to the airport. A part of me was I do not want to just travel with him. He’s going to see his mom, but right now I have a swollen foot. What’s why I’m walking around, but I just wanted to just go somewhere else and just get some third treatment. It was at the last minute. We had talked about it a few days before, but he knew he was going to be gone.
I just forgot because I’m right now trying to help my foot. The couple of days when I had to walk with a cane, because there was so much inflammation and like my pinky toe, it felt like it was broken or whatever. Now I’m able to stand up. I’m moving around cause I’ve been soaking it, icing it, like just doing everything I can. It was a reminder when I got to the airport, and I was like talking to my son the whole time before the airport, all the way in the car ride, all the way to the airport.
I just find myself always trying to help him be better. I’m like, “I do not feel like he needs me to do that at this point.” That’s what I was thinking to myself when I was walking back to get a taxi or take an Uber or whatever. I was just like, because I feel like I’m having an issue with him now with communicating. Probably every parent in America whose kid has an iPhone or an Android is probably having the same issue.
I would agree. How old is he?
He’s fifteen, but I have the same issue with my 8-year-old and my 10-year-old. As far as this, like you’re trying to compete with a device that you pay for your kid’s attention for your kid. It’s very strange. It’s a strange dynamic.
Most parents understand, and it resonates with them. It’s something that parents are dealing with all the time now. Communication issues with their kids. Do kids, in fact, know how to have those conversations? When you say, “How are you doing?” Do they know how to go beyond the okay, or beyond the outline?
Great conversation is something that some of us face as yet, just because their brains are not fully developed. What does the average human do? Correct me if I’m wrong, but to have that brain develop in their 20s or like fully developed.
They are fully developed at 25.
At least I got you. At least that was what the number had in my mind. If you’re wrong, I guess we’re both wrong.
Ben, let me pivot for a minute and just ask. A lot of my listeners would want to know a bit about UConn, and you were on the UConn team in 2004 with Taliek Brown and Josh Boone, and who was on there? Help me. Charlie Villanueva?
Yes.
Obviously coached by the great Coach Calhoun. What was that like? Not too many people get to play for a legend like Coach Calhoun. What was that like for you?
It was a top-notch, first-class basketball experience. Everything you would expect more from a Hall of Fame coach. The thing that’s dope about the coach is he still checks on me. That’s something that’s very simple, but everybody does not do that.
That’s true.
For someone like myself, I think because of my temperament, even if I do need someone’s help, people just look at me and be like, “He’s there, he got it.” My foot is swollen. People want to help me, but they do not know how to help.
Why is it so hard to help Ben Gordon?
Supporting the Strong People in Your Circle
I do not think you have to attach a name to it. Think about any of your strong friends that’s always there for other people. What happens when nobody’s there for that person who’s always there for everybody else? What happens when no one’s pointing to that person?
The great point.
The person starts to feel resentment for things that they naturally would want to do. When they feel drained and worn down and unappreciated, whatever they’re dealing with stress-wise, now that’s compounding an already difficult situation. It was hard for people to help me because they’ve always seen me as never needing help, seemingly. When I go through something, I’ve had people tell me, “This is watching a TV show.” Everything that we consume now is like a vicarious experience. It’s like through someone else.
Reclaiming Inner Peace Through Nature
We have to watch TV to see other humans doing stuff, or we just will not go outside and watch people doing stuff. I thought it was weird when I saw kids watching other kids play video games on TV. You can have your console on there, but they just want to watch someone else play. I guess that’s fun. It’s like an observation. Again, it’s a vicarious experience. It’s not them having a one-to-one experience with the person or the place or the thing or whatever it is. As you see, I’m conducting this interview outside in nature. I just think that’s the cure for everything right now, honestly.
Staying grounded.
It’s secure for everything. Like, “There’s a financial crisis, go back to nature.” “Finances, the market is doing great.” Good. Go back into nature so you can stay grounded, so you know what to do with all of this extra income, so you’re not doing things that are just frivolous. There’s a lot of illusionary and delusional people out here now. A large part of me, for me, addressing my mental health was just addressing the things that were illusionary in my life and my delusions of grandeur that at one point in time were what I needed to make it to that next step.
If I’m hearing you right, then it sounds like some of that was helpful. Some of that was really not helpful.
Designing a Career Around Personal Health
It becomes both. It’s just a spectrum. It’s the same thing that worked for me when I got into the league. I’m always just going to overwork, outwork everybody, and that’s going to get me my playing time, and I’m going to make shots in the fourth quarter. That’s when I was 21. At 43 now, I cannot. It’s not wise for me to do that. I’ve got to, like, recover more. I got to get more sleep. I got to drink more. I got a high, so it becomes more about how am I taking care of the overall machine? It was always about that. When you’re chasing something that’s great, you’re going to have a lot of nicks and bruises before you get to that finish line.
No doubt. I’m curious. How does having someone like Coach Calhoun in your world, in your corner, supporting you, checking in on you, how does that help?
It just reassures you like, “I’m still that dude. I was not that dude. Look at who’s calling me.” I was worrying about somebody who hasn’t done one percent of the things Coach Calhoun has done. He’s still there in my corner. Some people, when you do not hear from them, you expect it. It might be that they never wanted to, never were who you thought they were. They just showed you a facade because that’s what they needed to do at the time to make things comfortable for themselves. You just never know what someone’s worldview is. You do not know what their moral compass is. You do not know what day they’re having. You do not know if they’re balanced, hormonal, or you do not know a lot of things. We’re just taking everything at face value.
That’s a great point. I’m curious, are you still watching the Huskies?
Yes. I was at the final quarter too.
Nice. What are your thoughts, having played for a coach? What are your thoughts about Coach Hurley? He’s definitely a modern-day, different coach. What do you think?
I feel like he has a lot of similarities to Coach Calhoun. When I see the passion and the fiery energy, the enthusiasm, the moxie, the kahunas. It seems very familiar.
Very similar. Definitely have a winning mentality. What stands out to me about both of them is they really care about their players. I’m not just saying on the court. I feel like they both want their players to succeed in life.
That’s true.
I’m curious, while we’re on the topic of UConn, the 2004 national championship. Obviously there was a lot on camera. I’m wondering, what’s a moment from that year throughout UConn that fans never saw that meant a lot to Ben Gordon?
When anxiety hits or life feels overwhelming, step into nature and get grounded. Simple routines bring real clarity. Share on XHave you ever seen the movie The Blair Witch Project?
Yes, sure.
When I was in school, my friends, my teammates, we always would have a Blair Witch at the time, is what we called it. That was just a camcorder. We would always record everything. Some guys would like to record certain things, like Shammond Williams was my roommate along with Emeka Okafor and like Scott Hazelton at one point in time. Williams was the type of guy that had his camcorder, and it’s like, about to go to the gym. I’m a film from here, like in the cafeteria. We walk over to the gym and get to the gym, and then somebody else that’s not playing probably takes over the recording.
He was ahead of his time then.
We would just do stuff like that every day. We have all this footage. We’re actually going to probably make a documentary out of it.
It’ll be fascinating.
Yes, it will be extremely fascinating. Obviously we have to have everybody approve certain scenes and things because it’s less like us in our candid moments in the locker room and the weight room, wherever we are. It’s great content. We’re in the age of that now where people want to see those types of stories and hear about them. I’ll keep you posted about that.
Sounds interesting. It sounds interesting. I’d like to see it then. You played against a lot of people. You were drafted by the Bulls. Remind me, Ben, where else did you play?
I played in Detroit for three years, Charlotte for two years, and then Orlando, my friend. Orlando, okay. I played in the G League, which is just like 25 games.
A lot of different people I would imagine over the years you played against. Who was one of the tougher players you played against?
Everybody was tough because we’re all at the highest level, but one of the toughest. Do you mean just like best overall? You mean like actual toughness, like.
You tell me one of the toughest guys you played against.
I’ll start with defensively, right? So when I think of like defenders, there’s like two or three guys that are just like pop right to the top of the file when I’m thinking about it. I got to go Ron Artest, Tony Allen, Bruce Bowen, and those three are the guys I remember like early in the league. Early in my career, like, “Damn, like Bruce Bowen.” He’s like 6’7″. I’m like 6’2″ or however tall he is. I had to play against guys that were specifically just long, lean athletes. That’s all they wanted to do was lock up.
There were so many great defenders. Any given night you could get locked up. Any given night, someone can go off for 50. That was the best thing. For me, like in the league, it is just like every night the possibilities are endless. Literally, you just saw someone last night had 40 or 50 or 10 dimes or a triple-double, or it’s always people striving to do something great.
As a kid, I remember Scott Burrell’s shot heard around the world, and I thought to myself, “Nothing like that will ever happen again.” Mullen hit the shot this year, but that’s athletics, that’s sports. That’s the fun of it. Ben, it sounds like since retiring, you’ve really blended wellness into your business. Tell us a little bit about what you do.
I have a website. It’s OOOEliteBasketballTraining.com. I got to talk to my web guy about it and see if he can just do OOO.com or something like that because OOO is like an umbrella and then underneath it is like everything that is lifestyle related. It’s basically a lifestyle offering. Honestly, a lot of the things that I’m doing that I’m transitioning into a business or putting myself out there. I do not necessarily need to be doing this. It’s more like a passion sort of thing. I created the website basically to address what would happen when I would be doing things for people just for the love of it.
The love of the game. What happens when you start getting drained, and you’re like, “I do not want to do this.” As I said, I do fascial stretch therapy. I’m a Level three therapist. There are only four. There are four levels. It’s just really giving myself something to do. When you do exactly what you want and what you were born to do, then you have to, you can survive. Everything is cool. You had fun. You traveled. I’m still only 43, and so it’s like, “What do you do now?”
“I got more to do.” Tell us what OOO stands for?
This stands for Of Our Own. It’s like there’s a sentence around it. You just pull that part out of the sentence. You can put things after it. Of Our Own Wellness. That was an LLC I had when I started my gym in 2017. It’s my wellness that I’m presenting to people who are inspired by me or are seeking me out or seeking something from me. It’s my offering to people. These are the things that the modalities that I’ve practiced throughout my life, the things I’ve learned on and off the court in regard to health and wellness.
Real progress starts with surrendering to what you can't change today. Give yourself grace and take small steps. Share on XIt’s something I want to share with people, but usually I do it just for friends and family. I’m like, “What happens when everybody is in pain?” The way my foot feels, if everybody in your household feels like that, now it’s not really for fun anymore. It’s like, “This is out of necessity.” Just like with the state of what’s happening from a mental health standpoint, I felt compelled to finish what I started. I like to continue the things that I started. As I said, I started this gym in like 2017, and I had it for like two years. If you remember all that COVID stuff around the gyms, it was all these restrictions.
It just wasn’t the right time. Now I do not have a brick-and-mortar gym, but there’s a lot of information up here. I know how to cope with myself out there without throwing myself out there. I can be a little more tactful. You’re not going to offer a virtual training session. There are only certain things where I might have to ask, like if someone wants to stretch, I have a network of therapists that want to get the lessons with me.
If I cannot get to a person in another state, I can refer them to someone. My business doesn’t have to be in a physical building anymore because a lot of stuff I’m doing is hands-on, or it’s consulting, or it’s advisory, or it might be virtual. There are all these different ways with technology where I can still spread health and wellness without compromising my own mental health.
I love it, Ben. There is a perspective out there on athletes that athletes do not have problems. Athletes cannot possibly have mental health issues. It isn’t until people like yourself get on shows like this and start talking about things that people start to realize people are people. You may have a better jump shot than me, Ben, but we put our pants on the same way every morning, and people are people.
Mental health is one of those things that, you said, you’ve accumulated a lot of knowledge and a lot of solutions and even a lot of good people around you that support you. To me, when I work with young adults going into college, they’re just starting their careers off early on, and they do not know some of these things. I really appreciate you sharing your perspective on this. I think you’ve been very open and honest about yourself and what you’ve been through and what you’re going through currently and how you’re helping people.
I appreciate that. I really do. Can I ask one last question of you, Ben? As you’re in the wellness space, you and I have talked a bunch, and I feel like one of the things that I’ve heard from you over and over again is that you’re constantly looking to grow and learn information. We’re this perpetual student and always trying to learn new ways to help not only yourself, but other people. I’m wondering, is there anything that you’ve been taught along the way, whether it’s the amazing coaches you’ve been working under, just people you’ve been around, getting attacked here.
I did not attack it. Just got to like, “I know. I just got to let them know.”
Is there any one piece of advice, like young adults and parents are tuning in, and I guess I’m wondering, is there any one piece of advice you’d like to offer that someone might have said to you when you were younger around management of mental health?
I would just say, like this, no man is an island. As soon as you start feeling like you’re drifting away mentally, and everybody knows what that feeling is like for them, just do not let it happen. Pull the reins in, and we do not all have therapists. We might not all know therapists, but we might not even know that some people in our lives are already our therapists. You just have to talk sometimes to somebody. That’s also dangerous, because there are people out there who manipulate people who are going through things. It’s like a slippery slope.
Find the right person.
Taking Small Daily Steps Toward Surrender
What I would say is the first thing for everybody is to try to accept something about yourself. Just one thing that day that you’re struggling, try to accept something about yourself that you didn’t accept the day before or that day. That’s easy, right? That’s just like, “I do not like how my feet look.” Maybe just start by looking in the mirror and making a joke about your feet to yourself. That’s it. That would be it for the day. What I found is that when I started to make steps in my journey, like real improvement, it started with accepting the things I couldn’t change. Now a lot of things could change.
At the moment when you’re so depressed that you cannot get out of bed, and in that moment, you cannot really change that. If you accept it like, “Man, I’m really depressed here. I really do not feel like getting out of bed.” “Let me accept it, man. I had a long, long year. Let me just stay in bed all day. Tomorrow I’m going to get up.” You’ve got to make these little goals and things for yourself while also showing yourself some grace. Just find one thing to accept about yourself that you maybe do not like, or maybe that other people do not like. Like, “Man, Ben has a hot temper.” As soon as I accept it, it’s like it’s a form of surrendering.
That’s great advice, man.
Once I surrender to the fact that I have a hot temper, now I’m able to look at myself outside of myself and say, “If you have a hot temper, that’s fine, but do not let people provoke you. Do not let yourself be around people who you know are going to trigger you.” Once I accept that I have a hot temper, now I can in good faith find things that’ll help me get better. The next day, if I didn’t procrastinate that day and pick one thing, then just do it the next day. I would just say slow down.
We’re in a society now where everybody wants to be gratified instantly. People do not even want to go outside and play anymore. They’re like, “Just turn the TV on. I can watch someone else play.” There’s been a lot of advancements in technology, but then there’s been a lot of de-evolution of humanity and learning how to live, learning how to just have a conversation with somebody.
I agree, Ben. Those are some really great pieces of advice. To those young people that are tuning in, really listen to what Ben had to say. Sometimes it starts with a daily step and that notion of, you were referencing the Serenity Prayer earlier. One of my favorites, just knowing the difference between what you can control and what you cannot. There’s a lot of stuff out there we cannot control, and finding a trusted resource, a person near you that you can open up to. That’s hard, especially hard for guys.
You’re absolutely right. I had a moment when I was taking my son to the airport because in my mind, I was like, “I’m just going with them.” My foot is swollen. There’s pain there. Really, I’m supposed to have my foot elevated because I have been doing my modalities the last few days. I’ve been soaking, I’ve been icing. The fact of the matter is the inflammation in my body is just going to take its natural way to wake itself up. I cannot poke a hole and then let everything pop out. It’s like, “No, it’s there to protect whatever has been bruised or infected or whatever. It’s going to take its time.”
Even if I’m icing it every day, it still might take till day seven for it to go down. It’s not a compound interest thing. We cannot be so quick to want everything right away. It’s like, “No, the beauty in life is the journey. This conversation, when we started, I was over there in the garden. I was over there, then I went through the kitchen. At the fort, I do not have to meet on the floor. I have the remnants of what I did. I made a full circle. Now I’m back here, and I’m looking at the garden from here. It’s like, that’s how life is.
You go around the block. It’s not going to be your first rodeo. You’re going to hear all these cliché terms. When you just realize, when you get to a certain age in life, you want to almost slow down a little bit. You realize how fast you’ve been going. I would say to young people out there and young parents, one, let’s all just today, let’s just start working on our communication. Every single one of us, we all need to get better at communicating.
If you’re a great communicator, you need to take it a step further and help people articulate what they cannot communicate. Some people internalize things, and they cannot get it out. If you’re a poor communicator, go find a pretty girl and just say, “How are you doing? What are you reading?” Nothing has to come out of it. It could be completely platonic, and I do that sometimes. I’ll go to the gym, and I just see an old woman, a young woman, a kid, whatever. I’ll just talk to them.
I teach kids how to do that, believe it or not. It’s one of those things, Ben, that I think when we were younger, we learned how to do it because we were playing outside all the time. It’s not necessarily natural for young adults nowadays. Ben, listen, I have to say thank you so much for just taking the time, giving us your energy, your thoughts. It’s really fascinating. I feel like I could talk to you all day. I do want to continue to help you get your business off the ground and assist you in some fashion.
Just know that I’m here for that and can help in any way you’d like. It’s really been a pleasure talking to you. You and I have talked a little bit around Normalize It Forward and the concept of, we’re trying to bring the stigma down so people can talk about these important topics. I’d asked you offline for a recommendation or a nomination of somebody, and no surprise to me, you nominated Coach Calhoun.
We’re going to try to get Coach on and see if we can nudge him a little bit so we can pick his brain a little bit on this topic. It’s always good to talk to various people and get their opinions and thoughts. Once again, Ben, I really thank you a lot. I will make sure to get all of your contact information up on this so that when this show does come out live, everybody can reach you and find a way to connect with you on your website. How’s that sound?
Sounds good, man. I would like to upload it onto my website too. As we spoke about, a lot of what I’m doing is based on training, and we want to make it to the NBA. We want to be in the Hall of Fame. We want to win championships. If you look at what I’m doing, it’s for the full athlete, like the full gestation of the athlete from birth to retirement.
It’s a life cycle.
I want you guys to go through and just take your time, click on one tab a day, and just read everything. There’s a lot of information that’s on purpose because that’s what I’m basically covering. It’s my entire life, everything I’ve ever learned, everything I’ve been through, everything that I’m currently going through. It’s like a past, present, and future type of accumulation of everything I got going. If people want to come and click a button and select the à la carte menu, I want to like what we just did. There might be someone who is just right. I’m not a therapist, but I have so many hours of doing my own therapy that I know I understand.
Get a background.
There are a lot of different things. My website is still a work in progress as well, so I’m not rushing. I want people to be patient with me just as I’m being patient with myself and everyone else.
I appreciate it. The thing that stands out to me, then, in looking at it closely over the last few weeks is your total honesty. You’re sharing information that you picked up, and it’s not filtered, which is great. I admire that. I admire your ability to want to assist and want to help. Keep doing what you’re doing, Ben. I’m cheering you on from out on the East Coast here. As I said, next time we’re in the same neck of the woods, lunch.
I’m actually in New York right now. When you asked me earlier where I was, I thought you meant like living most of the time. I’m in New York with family and friends. I’m actually going to be in Connecticut for a golfing outing, the Legends Golfing Outing this weekend. Hopefully my foot will not be swollen, and I will not be limping around up there.
That would be great. That would be great. We should connect then. That would be awesome.
I tricked you, man. I told you I’m hungry, man.
A meal’s a meal. Where’s the Legends tournament? Where’s that being played?
I can send you the information offline, but if I’m not mistaken, I believe it’s at UConn or somewhere. It’s probably going to be in Storrs. It’s a flyer, and it’s just something I think I posted on my page. When I get off of here, I’ll take a look.
Send me the info. Thanks again, Ben. I really appreciate it. We’ll talk soon. Have a great day.
Thank you, too. Peace.
Important Links
About Ben Gordon
Today’s guest is Ben Gordon—former NBA star, NCAA National Champion, and one of the most accomplished basketball players to come out of the University of Connecticut.
Ben helped lead UConn to the 2004 National Championship before being selected third overall in the 2004 NBA Draft by the Chicago Bulls. During his 11-year NBA career, he earned NBA Sixth Man of the Year honors as a rookie and became known as one of the league’s most dynamic scorers.
In recent years, Ben has been open about his personal journey with mental health, using his experiences to advocate for greater awareness, understanding, and support. Today, he’s focused on helping others through wellness initiatives and by sharing his story to reduce stigma and encourage honest conversations about mental health.
Reading about mental health is hard. Let’s schedule a free consultation.
Laura is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) who has been working with children, adolescents, and young adults since 1994.
Russ DeRosa is in his 24th season as the strength and conditioning coach for Men’s Ice Hockey at BC. In addition to his hockey responsibilities, DeRosa is in his 18th season in charge of strength and conditioning efforts for all of BC’s Olympic sports.
Brian Keiser has over 20 years of experience in higher education, serving in various roles at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, Yale University, the University of Bridgeport, and currently Connecticut State Community College. He has spent the majority of his career in academic advising with a specific focus on STEM education, and he also has ten years of experience teaching Psychology.
Matt Domyancic is a one man nonprofit primarily supporting the mental health, wellness and spirituality of first responders and veterans. He also does men’s work and enjoys building bridges with the civilian community to better understand the mental health challenges of first responders and veterans who often do not have sufficient preparation or resources to deal with the suffering they are immersed in while serving our country and communities.
Jay Nazzola is a member of the acclaimed country/Americana band Reckless Kelly, a group known for its independent spirit, loyal fan base, and powerful live performances. As the drummer, Jay has been a driving force behind the band’s rhythm and energy, helping shape their sound both on tour and in the studio.
During his decade with the Pirates, Kyle wasn’t just developing talent — he was shaping culture. He helped build systems that supported performance, accountability, growth, and resilience at the highest levels of professional baseball.
Kyle Ridley is an Emmy Award–winning journalist, producer, writer, and podcast host known for his thoughtful storytelling and authentic conversations. After building a career in broadcast television producing live and feature programming, Kyle transitioned into the podcast space where he created The Tangle with Kyle Ridley — a show centered on meaningful dialogue with creatives, entertainers, and leaders about purpose, growth, and the human experience.
Dave Shenbaum is a longtime community member and connector known for his deep roots, relationships, and commitment to showing up for others.
Today on Normalize It Forward, I’m joined by Jordyn Sugar, a Canadian singer-songwriter and pop artist whose music centers on empowerment, authenticity, and self-expression.