Social media mental health has become one of the most pressing challenges facing teens and parents today. On this episode of Normalize It Forward, host Marc Lehman welcomes back pediatric psychiatrist Dr. Mariela Podolski to unpack how digital platforms influence adolescent brain development and emotional wellness. Excessive screen time can double the risk of depression and anxiety in young adults who lack fully developed executive functioning skills. Dr. Mariela Podolski shares concrete strategies for establishing family digital contracts, delaying smartphone access, and creating screen-free household routines. By prioritizing real-world social interaction and delayed gratification, parents can protect their children from digital burnout. Listen in to discover actionable tools for building healthier relationships with technology in your home.
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How Social Media Impacts Teen Mental Health With Dr. Mariela Podolski
Welcome back to the show. I’m really excited about this show. We have a returning guest for the first time in the history of our show, who had a first conversation with us already, resonating very deeply with our audiences. Joining us is Dr. Mariela Podolski. Dr. P, as a lot of people know her. Welcome. How are you?
Thank you, Marc. I’m so excited to be back. It’s fantastic.
When Dr. P was last on our show, we had a fascinating discussion about mental health, and the response was great. We heard from so many people who appreciated our practical advice, insights, and perspectives that we knew we had to invite her back. This time we’re tackling an important topic that both she and I hear about a lot in our offices. That is social media. Every aspect of our lives seems to be touched by social media on a pretty regular basis. We’ll explore how it influences mental health, relationships, self-esteem, and the way we see ourselves and each other. We’ll talk about what parents, students, and all of us can do to build a healthier relationship with the digital world. Dr. P, welcome back. Big topic, social media. We talk about it all the time.
Thank you so much, Marc. Thank you for having me. Social media, where do we even start?
Maybe we’ll start with a timeline. I have not looked it up recently. I remember, certainly, not long ago, when social media did not dictate so much in our world. I feel like even ten years ago, it was vastly different from what it is now. Timelines are important for us, even as parents and parents that we talk to, because so much of our suggestions and what we put out there needs to be updated as a result of social media constantly updating. New things are being developed pretty much every week.
The Portability Of Modern Social Media
Totally. That’s a phenomenal starting point because history tells us that when we look back, we can certainly assess and compare with the present, how things are going. What we know of social media, even though it was developed earlier in the 2000s, if you remember, and the initial stage of Facebook and whatnot and other platforms, it was not until 2010-ish when the smartphones came out. The apps came to be in our hands when things truly started to change. One can make the argument that social media, in and of itself, on the computer is a different animal than social media at the tip of your fingers 24/7.
That’s a really powerful statement. Tell me what you mean by that, because I could interpret it. I really want to hear what your thoughts are.
We can talk about the pros and the dangers of social media. There are always two sides of the coin. The difficulty, particularly for teenagers, and I would say this is true for everybody, adults as well, at least the adults that come to see us. There are many people in the world who do not struggle. Everybody who comes to see you or me is struggling. For the adults as well. Mostly, for teenagers is the portability of social media that accompanies them wherever they are.
It’s almost like on the computer, if you were to go into your Instagram or TikTok or whatever, you can do it for a period of time. You have to move from the computer at some point. You go out and about, and you’re not on the computer. With the phone, like, even people are driving, checking their social media accounts. It’s relentless, it’s constant. Constant, and that portability, the immediate access at the tip of your fingers, I think, is the most important factor in changing the way that we behave around social media.
I agree. Not just the constant access or us accessing it, but also the images that are being thrown at us and how often, let’s say, a young person is on them. You and I were swapping stories a few weeks ago, and we talked about some kids who can be on them for upwards of 40 or 50 hours a week. If you think about, like, what does that equate to? How many images from an average swipe? How many images is that in any given week? That’s a lot of information thrown at us.
For the public that is tuning in to us, as a disclaimer, we should say Marc and I do share a lot of patients. We have to share some of the stories about our patients. You would think that it’s an uncommon occurrence that this cannot be reality. Marc, every week without fail in my office, I have a parent or a kid who is concerned about social media use, or they may not even be concerned. I’m the one bringing it up.
When we look at their screen time, because I look at screen time as part of my therapeutic intervention, their social media use is 40 to 45 hours a week. How can we build mental health when a kid is on an app that is providing immediate gratification 45 hours a week? We have to stop normalizing that. I’ll say it until I turn blue right in the face. We have to stop pretending this is the one.
You’re 100% right. The simple answer to that is management. I was just thinking about that timeframe. If a kid were playing with a yo-yo, I do not know, like for 45 hours a week, a parent would be like, “That kid is really obsessed with his yo-yo.” Old school reference, yo-yo. I do not know. You’re right, there’s a normalization that goes on. There’s also an awareness issue. When a parent looks up, as you and I have done so many times with kids, their phone usage on their, let’s call it an iPhone, and they see a number, and they’re like, “My kid is averaging eight hours a day.” How many times have you had a parent go, “I had no idea it was that much?”
A lot. That is in part why I incorporated that part into my assessments and treatment plans, doing it as part of the office visit. Recently, some pediatricians have started including this in their assessments, which is great. The thing is, we have been under the impression, whether that was on purpose or not on purpose from these big companies, to make us think that you set the app for the age group, like thirteen or whatever it is, and that things would be fine because it’s for that age group. What we did not know as parents, and I speak as a parent here too, is that the addictive quality of these apps really messes up with teenagers more than with adults. There is a good biological reason for that, Marc. I do not know if we’ve talked about this. I find it fascinating if you do not mind.
No, please. I want to hear about it.
This is like an absolutely fascinating piece of why teenagers are different from adults. We all know, or not, we all know that in adolescents, the limbic system is hyperactive. Rewards feel a lot more satisfying than in adults. That implies risk. Taking risks is important. If you think from a biological perspective, when you see the little cubs and the lioness mama, they’re out and playing, and the mom has to come and get them and be like, “No,” they are right. We are supposed to be taking risks because that’s what keeps us going in the long run. It’s going to help us find food, and it’s going to help us find better shelter and better things we have to explore and take.
Recognizing The Brain Imbalance In Teens
That happens in adolescents and humans. They are taking risks constantly. We talk about an adolescent taking risks. That’s one part. The other part is that executive function in our frontal lobe is not developed yet. With good reason and intent, which is we do not want to be warned about the risks of exploring because if we’re warned, then we will not do it, and our species would not survive. This imbalance is on purpose. Big limbic system reward, very limited executive functioning. Over time, as we grow older, those balance out.
Can I jump in for one sec? I just want to translate something from my audience, because you’re onto something really important, and I get it. I’m guessing some people will not. Limbic system, all feeling-based. That’s why kids love to do things that feel exhilarating. Executive functioning is deciding risk. That’s not fully developed. That’s why kids in the summer say, “Let’s go cliff jumping.” They’re not thinking about what’s underneath them.
Thank you for the clarification. Please, we can take it slow. That is what’s happening in adolescence, and that’s 100% normal. The other thing that also happens in adolescence is that kids want to separate from their parents. That is also the norm. In Erik Erikson’s stages of life. This is exactly what an adolescent needs to be doing. Individuate from parents, become their own person, and associate with their peer group. They fit in with their peer group away from their parents and create their own identity.
As painful as that is for us parents, it’s a healthy part of development that we need to love to happen. Put those two together. Risk-taking, separating from parents, connecting with peers, now 24/7 at the tip of your fingers. They’re “connecting” with peers. I do not consider it connecting, because it’s not the same as in-person connecting. The biology of this behavior is there. They are connecting with peers on their phones, and their risk-taking part is going to websites, doing things that are really not appropriate for teachers.
The executive function, being underdeveloped or less developed, should we say, prevents them from understanding the risks and consequences of being on the screen for hours and hours a day on their own. They cannot understand that on their own. They just will not. When you put all of that together, I tell parents the following. These apps are designed specifically to capture your attention. Adults and kids. Kids do not have executive functioning to tell them this is wrong. As parents, expecting teenagers to be able to manage their screen time on their own is like throwing a toddler into a pool and asking them to swim. It’s just not going to happen.
It’s a great way of saying it. You answered a very tough question, which is: How does social media impact mental health? Let’s take it like, let me complete the conversation here, because I think some parents are hearing this and they’re going, “In my role, how do I possibly manage that? That’s an impossible task for a parent who cannot manage 50 hours a week of social media time.” Also, in that question is, how do I limit the impact on my child’s mental health? Big questions. Any thoughts?
The Direct Link Between Screen Time And Anxiety
Let’s start by saying the first part is what the data is. That’s an important part. The data is very clear. More than three hours of social media per day, which, by definition, is 90% of my patients. More than three hours doubles the risk of depression and anxiety.
That alone is pretty startling, I’m sure, for my audiences to hear. The rates are already pretty high. We’re talking about doubling those rates over three hours a day, which, as you said, I think most of my kiddos that I’m working with are three hours, at least, if not more.
When I am explaining this to my patients, I tell them that’s the data. Now, if you ask my opinion, which is not scientifically based, I guess it’s that three hours is excessive regardless.
A lot.
Think about three hours. That’s like any time from 3:00 to 6:00 PM, homework time, all gone into social media. That was one part of your question. What is the mental health aspect, and then how do parents manage this? I can tell you what I tell my patients. You can tell me too.
Tell me. I want to hear. I’ll share my thoughts. I promise.
The first one is delay, again, delay. What the Surgeon General came up with in 2023 is the age of sixteen for social media. We know in Australia, for instance, it is illegal under the age of sixteen. Whether they can really handle that or not. I do not know. People can lie about their age and all of that stuff. That’s what has been recommended from a higher level. To delay it until sixteen. If you choose as a parent to provide social media, two separate things. A phone for your child and social media. Those are linked but separate. Let me have the phone piece. Get this scenario a lot.
We’re thinking about giving little Susie a phone. What do we do? It goes linked into the delaying piece, as in, I also have to recognize, I do not know about you, Marc, when I was in 7th grade or in 6th grade, I spoke on the phone with my friends for hours a day. Hiding from my parents, of course. I did it. It goes back to that Eric Erikson stages of development in life. You want to connect with your peers. Biologically, it’s impossible not to.
I feel like, let’s face it, neighborhoods are not the same as they used to be. There aren’t any kids outside playing around. Kids have less face-to-face contact. They’re over-scheduled. That’s a completely different show. They’re over-scheduled in a million things. They do not have free time to just hang out with their friends. Communicating with friends is an important part of development that needs to happen, and texting their friends is a way the kids communicate now.
No doubt.
I would say, if you’re going to provide a phone to your child that has texting ability, that’s okay. I guess. Now let’s talk about the other parts of that smartphone. They can have a flip phone, and everything is okay. Let’s talk about the other parts of that smartphone. How are you going to manage Safari? How are you going to manage social media, and how are you going to manage the risks of the Internet, such as violence, pornography, etc. My recommendation is to create a contract before you give your child the phone.
Establishing Clear Digital Family Contracts
Do not give the phone out and expect that things are going to just happen naturally because, more likely than not, they will not. In the contract, I say things like, and I help parents create it in my office, or I offer some suggestions. One, make sure that you have access to the passcode at all times. The phone is your belonging and you lend it to your kid. Set the time. You cannot just expect them to manage this. Set the time and how much time? I do not know.
One hour to two hours a day, I think, is within reason and as a maximum. No phones in the bedroom at night. If they’re going to be in the bedroom because they are listening to the Tom app or any other type of white noise or whatever or music, then they have to be blocked at that time. Also, we can get into more specifics, like the content of the text messages. Sexting is a thing for young as 12, 13, and 14-year-olds. The words are not for the faint of heart.
Rebuilding Essential Real-World Social Skills
No, they’re definitely not. You’ve touched on a bunch. Let me interrupt for one sec. Communicating with friends, I just want to put it out there for parents to hear. Since the advent of smartphones, I have never in my office worked with kids so much on basic social skills. Picture me as a therapist, 25 years doing this, sitting with a 17, 18, or 19-year-old kid, telling them, and practicing role-playing with them. Here’s how to banter.
Smartphones changed everything by making social media accessible 24/7 right at our teenagers' fingertips. Share on XHere’s how to have micro interactions. Here’s how to have conversations because kids are not doing that anymore. Many of our kids rise to college level, and they go off to these colleges with thousands of kids in person, and they have no idea how to interact with these kids. That alone, I see all the time because I see so many rising college kids. I just want parents to think a little bit about how the communication is shifted if everything is text, and we’re not doing this as much. I know you see that as well.
Absolutely, Marc. That’s why I think that the time limit has to be there. If we allow a kid to text their friends for one hour a day and make sure that they’re having adequate socialization in person, I think that’s a very good damage control. I do not think that’s like a big risk. I see this all the time. I see kids who have zero in-person interaction and are texting their friends constantly or talking through video game apps or consoles or whatever they do with no in-person interaction, and their social skills are suffering tremendously.
The other thing I give to families to really consider is if you’re under the impression that your 12, 13, 14 year old kid can manage this themselves, I would say it’s similar to letting them go out for Halloween, up a huge bag of candy, and then letting them keep that in their room. I can honestly say that when I was thirteen, I would eat the whole thing in a couple of nights and be super sick. I’m a kid, so I just like sugar. If your kid would do that, if your kid would not manage that one piece at a time, which, quite frankly, I do not know anyone who would, how do we expect them to manage this? This, to me, is way more powerful than sugar. It’s so impactful.
It hits the reward system the same way as sugar will. That’s true. It’s a very big, open hit. Marc, when you think about it, the people who use these apps knew it.
Of course they did.
They absolutely knew what was going to happen. They were designed to capture attention and keep you engaged in the app. It’s the same as gambling and those machines when you put a coin in. It’s very hard to break away from that habit because you always know that maybe the next time.
Of course, absolutely.
For our audiences, this is what’s happening with their phones. Maybe the next time they check, there will be a like or a comment. Maybe the next time they check, there is going to be a video they like. That’s what their brain is sensing. Maybe keep trying, keep trying. Breaking away from that biologically is incredibly difficult.
Super difficult. I would add to that, not only have they thought about it, but they have created safety nets, the companies that use safety nets to keep you in them. I have had kids say to me, “I am really sick of Snapchat, but I have all these streaks that I do not want to break.” I’m like, “What’s that?” They’re like, “I have been talking to my friend Mariela for 75 days in a row, and I cannot possibly break that streak.” I’m sitting going, “Why? What happens if you take a day off?” They’re like, “Well.” Companies are smart. They’re putting these things in because they want to keep kids in the game, and they want to keep kids continuing to use them even when kids maybe do not necessarily want to.
The infinite scrolling is another. That really changed the way that we used social media. Kids do not know this, but when it started. I was like, I do not know how long ago it was, but it was like twenty years ago, but then we used Facebook. It was not infinite scrolling. That’s right. That has also changed the dynamics. As the research shows, if you have a behavior that is on an interval schedule, that is very addictive. Whereas if you stop the behavior, like teenage talking, if you’re texting a girl that you like as a teenager, and she responds sometimes and sometimes not.
The kid is going to keep texting because she may respond. If all of a sudden she eventually stops responding, then that will be it. Behavior stops for audiences to understand that. It’s the same with the apps. We’re constantly reinforcing the behavior because it’s intermittent with the hits of dopamine. It’s impossible for them to manage, Marc. It really is. Audiences need to hear as parents. They cannot do it on their own. They have a big reward system. Remember, feelings are super activated, and executive functioning is very little, and all of their surroundings are designed for them to fail at this, at stopping themselves.
Let’s shift for a sec to the thing that parents probably really want to hear us talk about, which is how do we manage this? One of the real upsides I’ve seen in the last year or two is that schools have done parents a solid in that many schools, private and public, have put parameters and really told kids to put their phones away and really either lock them up or really taken a hard line, I think most schools are doing nowadays. Your kids have a full break. Many of them have a full break throughout the whole day, or it’s not constant in their hands. The question I always ask is, what happens from the time they get home until the time they go to bed? You’re up, Mariela. What do you think? What happens? What do you think we can do as parents?
Exceeding three hours of daily social media doubles the risk of teen depression and anxiety. Setting limits is essential. Share on XAgain, I know kids are smarter than most parents, like mine. I feel my kids outsmart me every day. That’s a general sensation for every parent nowadays. They can bypass a ton of things, but the first thing we have as parents is to set the limits. I’m going to refer to iPhones because that’s what might be used in our house. I don’t know Android, but I’m pretty sure it’s very similar.
You can set the screen time. You can say everything that you use cannot be more than 60 minutes, 90 minutes, or 120 minutes a day, with certain exceptions, and you put the exceptions that you want. That’s one. Again, that is simple. One thing I know. I’m going to throw my kids under the bus here, but my son is fourteen, and he has a phone. My daughter is eleven. She does not have a phone. Somehow they figured out between them, like I would approve more time for X thing.
I have to write code. They saw the reflection in my glasses. All of a sudden, I’m like, what is happening here? I caught on rather quickly. Now I make them turn around. They have to turn around, and I take my glasses off. My point is that kids are going to be sneaky because this is a big reward have dopamine-seeking behavior. Luckily, we got over that home, but do not share your code. I know it sounds so simple, Marc, but I cannot count how many times parents are like, but they bypass it. I’m like, “How?” They just put the code. I’m like, “Why does your kid know the code?”
Pick a code they do not know.
Modeling Healthy Device Habits As Parents
That’s really silly, but I think it’s important. Put a code that does not know and manage the screen time. The other thing that I think is important is the model. We as parents need to put our phones away. We are glued to these things. It may be that we use it for social media, it may be that we use it for work, it may be that we’re texting someone, but we need to model our own behavior with kids.
We cannot expect them to behave differently if we are not doing it. The other thing is, I think it’s really important to go back to the basics and have mealtimes together as a family. I know schedules are hectic and crazy, and everybody’s again over-scheduled, and that makes it really difficult. It’s fine if it’s only mom and son and dad and daughter, or it’s the four of them together, or the 5 or 6 or whatever number it is. It doesn’t matter, but we should be going back to having mealtime together, and mealtimes should always be screen-free.
Great suggestion.
Adults and kids. What else? The other part I would suggest very strongly is that phones are not used during academic time. There is a really cool research study. I’m not going to be able to give you all the data, but I’m going to just give you the summary. It’s like they put a group of people with kids, teenagers doing an academic thing, and they set the phone next to them. The other group had the phone in their backpack, and the other group had the phone outside the room. That doesn’t mean they were checking the phone or not checking the phone, just by the place of it next to them in their backpack or outside the room. Guess what the results were?
I’m assuming the ones in the hallway had a better ability to concentrate.
Just by removing it from close distance from you, just by that, attention improved. I would say, like, if academic work needs to be done, which is the truth for most of our kids, the phone needs to be out of the way. Remove it, put it in the kitchen, keep it with the parents, or block it during that time. It can be blocked. That’s another thing. The other part is that there are many solutions that, in a way, you can engage in with these apps that monitor screen time. Bar, Opal, Brick, to name some.
Do not receive any money from them, so I am not affiliated with them. I do think that they work, family. There are many, and you can monitor screen time and make sure that their usage is not very significant. The most important thing, if somebody is going to take one suggestion today, as a parent, you need to be involved. You need to grab a phone and look at their screen time and see not only how many hours, but what they are using.
Constant texting strips away essential face-to-face communication skills that young adults need when entering college and adulthood. Share on XThat’s a great takeaway. Awesome suggestions, by the way. Thank you so much for those. I really want to make sure my parents are hearing. To go back to something you said earlier, anxiety rates and depressive rates are already very high. You and I see them all the time in our office throughout the day, kids really struggling with lots of different things associated with them. This is a large part of them, and it’s not the only part, but it’s certainly a big chunk. A lot of parents will say to me, what’s the big deal? It’s just a phone. It’s just social media. There’s research on this.
It’s not stuff we’re going to go through or quote today, but you’re going to have to trust us or look into it yourself. There are direct links to usage of tech and social media that have an impact on mental health. I see the effects. You see the effects all the time, Mariela. That just brings us back to your last comment, which is that parents have to be involved.
There’s different ways to be involved like like brick, you and I have talked about sponge brick is a useful tool that literally you can have your kids click a an object and it bricks all of these pieces on their phone to be unusable until they unbrick it and you know, these things have been developed for parents use, for our ability so that we’re not having to run around and watch our kids 24/7 in what they’re using. It gives us a little bit more control. It gives us a little bit more say-so.
At these ages, I’d say specifically 12 to 20, like in that zone where they’re so impacted by this use. Mariela, you and I swap stories on a regular basis about this. Some families will come in, and their use, these kids’ use of social media is so excessive that we’re now having to pare it back one step at a time, because you cannot just take that away. That particular child will really have a hard time. Just know that if you’re a parent approaching 10, 11, and 12, and you’re thinking about tech, I love what you said before delay. Wait as long as you possibly can to give your kid that device, and just know that when you do, there are layers to it that have to be thought out. Really have to be thought out by a parent because, as beneficial as they can be, they’re super hazardous as well.
Totally. I do think, in terms of the phone, again, the phone itself is one thing. This phone plus social media is a different thing. I definitely think that parents’ involvement is the most important thing, knowing that a kid can also have a phone and not have social media apps. That is possible and completely doable. You can really decide, as I suggested, that every parent sets up their kid’s phone as part of their family plan. They have full access to this, and they can. The kids have to ask permission to download an app.
I like that. Let’s face it, I would say the majority of parents today who are parenting kids this age, when they were kids, none of this existed. This is the new modern parent who has to be thinking about this, and we’ve given lots of reasons today as to why and the impact on things. Again, I would say to parents, anxiety and depressive stuff aside, the social skills impact is startling to me. As a kid, I was working at 16, at 15, as many of us were. We were getting that constant training of interacting with the public and pleases and thank yous and how to do things that a boss has asked you to do.
Not only are kids not doing that as much nowadays, but the interaction, as you said, the interaction could be through video games or technology. It’s not direct. When kids are facing each other directly, it’s not even just peers. I had a kid say to me today that she’s terrified, that was the word she used, to go back and see a professor at school for office hours. That’s a pretty important thing to be able to do. The one thing that led her to use the word terrified was that you’re interacting with somebody. It’s this scary individual that I do not know how to interact with. To me, just realized that phone use does have an impact on our social skills.
A hundred percent, Marc. I’m going to jump to a different thing that is related. I have always thought that in a world of immediate gratification, including the social media constants forcing our kids to practice, delayed gratification is really important. It’s not going to come as naturally as it did to you or me when we were younger because everything is at the immediate click. Amazon is there. Whatever platform you used to shop online is there. You cannot find your shoes in your size. I’ll order them online or whatever it is. Everything is immediate.
I’m going to text a friend, and if they don’t respond immediately, there is this discomfort. I 100% encourage parents, at the same time, to set limits for their children or adolescents in terms of their phone use and social media use, and to put another layer by encouraging them to use their social skills and practice the lake out ratification. A really good way to do that is through sports. I know not every kid is sporty. It doesn’t have to be sports. It can be music. It can be a writing club. It can be anything that you have to work and learn the skills over and over and over to see the final.
You’re basically saying having some exposure to peers, like directly to human beings. We were talking about jobs. In some ways, it doesn’t matter where the exposure is, but it has to be live. It has to be.
That live exposure, but also allowing yourself to have to wait for the reward to come your way. Part of my language, but s***ing at something and having to work so you become better. If I do not like playing soccer, but if I had to go play soccer, it would be horrible the first few times. You build those skills, and eventually you’ll be maybe less bad. It will get there. The way that is linked to social media is that social media is a constant reward.
Cultivating Delayed Gratification Through Activities
We need to force our kids to do the opposite, which is to delay the reward as much as we can. Sports are really good for that. It doesn’t have to be competitive. It can be for fun. That’s not the point. Music, like playing instruments, because you have to really practice to get those skills. At the same time, that allows them to have some social interaction, particularly if it is done in a group setting, whether it’s a team sport, music with a band, or something along those lines or something similar.
Engaging in sports or music forces teens to practice delayed gratification, countering the instant dopamine loops of social media. Share on XIt’s interesting as you’re talking. It occurred to me, boy, so much has changed since we were little. One thing really hasn’t, and that is the one thing that most kids interact with on a regular basis, is super delayed, and that is school. A kid takes an exam. They don’t get a test score right away. They have to wait. A kid’s taking a class. They don’t pass it until the end of the year. They do not graduate for thirteen years. The concept or the format of school is absolutely delayed.
I watch kids have a real hard time with that. Like, “Why is it? I just took my exam. Why don’t I have my score?” I’m like, “You have to wait.” By the way, if it’s not what you like, you’re going to have to practice so that you can take another exam and do better. What’s interesting to me is that social media, because it jumps over that and it gives them the reward immediately, I think kids tend to like to paint that over everything. Like, “Why is it I went to see Dr. Pete for one visit, why aren’t I feeling better?” That’s not the way. That’s my point.
You nailed it. You explained it much better than I did. That’s exactly what I’m referring to. Like, this is the world they live in, which is immediate. Immediate communication, immediate response, immediate gratification. Immediacy is right there in everything they do. They don’t get to practice delayed gratification. Why is that important work? It’s because it creates a lot of frustration and anxiety that they cannot manage. Their expectation is now that everything happens right away, right now, right here. When it doesn’t, because life doesn’t work that way, it creates these symptoms, and then they come to our offices.
I see it all the time. One thing I see it in on a regular basis is that when kids, again, kids get to that junior or senior year in high school and they send those applications out, parents think that filling out the applications is the hardest part. You know what the hardest part is? Waiting is the hardest part. Kids are like, “I do not know how to wait.”
I do think all of that, I do not know how to wait, is linked to these apps. I’m going to also say, I actually want to write a book. Now I’m going to give the idea out. I have fantasized about creating a book that is called Let Them Be Kids. Do you know how important boredom is? It’s one of the most important things that we can do to learn how to reflect, self-soothe, be creative, and develop coping strategies. Boredom is essential for our brain.
With these social media apps at the tip of your fingertips, you are never bored. Never. You go to a cafe alone. Who does that anyway? Only old people like that. That’s what I was going to say. You have to be old to do that. You go to, like, you see somebody at a cafe, they’re not, what are they doing? Scrolling on their phone. They cannot even sit down and look around and be bored and have observations about the people, the weather, the traffic, whatever is happening in their community.
They’re consumed by this absence. Boredom is not present. All are linked. Boredom is not present. Constant immediate gratification, absence of effort. Why is this all important? I do not want to sound like an old person just reaching out to young people like, “You’re doing it wrong.” Why it is important is because at the end of all of that cycle, there are feelings of depression and anxiety that are very important, and our kids are suffering.
That’s a really excellent point, and a good summary. Again, a lot of parents will say, what’s the big deal? It’s just a phone, or it’s just social media. The big deal is it’s impacting kids, and quite frankly, it’s impacting adults as well. I would say that the sentence you mentioned earlier is about parents needing to be involved. This is so critical. This is one of those things where you say, “There is no shortcut to this, and we’re giving kids a device that’s really powerful.” The power that’s in these new phones is way more powerful than the desktops that we had growing up, and what kids can reach, good and bad.
It’s like swimming in a swimming pool. If you respect the hazard, it can be so much fun. You have to respect the hazard and realize that there is a side to this that can be really detrimental if you’re not careful. To all parents, please heed our warnings, recognize that both Dr. and I treat patients on a regular basis, and we see kids with issues that develop as a result of all of these things.
We’re giving advice because we want parents to be able to walk away from this show, hearing this information, and using it and recognizing, “None of us are perfect. We’re parents as well. We’re working on these things with our own kids.” We’ve seen a lot in our offices, and we’ve seen a lot of things that do work, and being more involved and really recognizing there are some things you can do with tech, especially before you give your kids the technology, to lay that groundwork so that it does not run your world in a negative fashion.
Dr. P, as always, I am so happy to have you back on the show. For someone who was initially so nervous to be on, you’ve become a superstar on the show, and to those who haven’t seen your first show, please go back and rewatch it. It was awesome. We might have even discovered a third show while we were talking. Who knows? We’ll have to ponder that idea, and we’ll put our heads together. Thanks again for your time, your energy, and your experiences, super awesome and helpful. I appreciate you being here.
Thank you, Marc. I’m so grateful to be here.
Thanks again. I appreciate it. Have a great day. Talk to you soon. See you.
Bye now.
Important Links
- Dr. Mariela Podolski
- Info@PodolskiPsychiatry.com
- Let Them Be Kids
- Practical Mental Health Tips For Teens And Parents With Dr. Mariela Podolski – Previous Episode
About Dr. Mariela Podolski
Dr. Podolski completed medical school at the Universidad de Costa Rica in San Jose, Costa Rica. As her first attending job, she worked as a general physician in a rural area in the south east corner of Costa Rica. Excellent clinical skills were a must, given the lack of resources in the area at the time. This experience strengthened her medical knowledge, and she still utilizes these lessons in her daily practice.
She pursued her Psychiatry Residency at the Institute of Living in Hartford, Connecticut. This was followed by a Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Fellowship at The Medical College of Wisconsin in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
Dr. Podolski joined Eastern Connecticut Health Network after graduation, working in a Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Clinic in an underserved area from 2012 to 2015.
She has been working with Walden Behavioral Care, since 2012. Initially as a Consulting Psychiatrist for their Partial Hospital Program. In 2016, she assumed the role of Medical Director for their Inpatient Eating Disorders Unit at Rockville General Hospital. This role allowed her to expand her eating disorder knowledge, as she treated patients with extreme eating disorders that required specialized inpatient medical and psychiatric stabilization.
She continues to work hand in hand with Walden Behavioral Care as a consultant.
She has held academic appointments for the University of New England College of Osteopathic Medicine, and for the Quinnipiac University Frank H Netter School of Medicine.
Dr. Podolski is an active teacher and provides Eating Disorder lectures for psychiatry residents at The Institute of Living, University of Connecticut and for ECHN Family Practice Residency. She is frequently asked to present on the topic at different hospitals in the area.
She holds medical licenses in the states of Connecticut and Massachusetts.
Reading about mental health is hard. Let’s schedule a free consultation.
Brian Keiser has over 20 years of experience in higher education, serving in various roles at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, Yale University, the University of Bridgeport, and currently Connecticut State Community College. He has spent the majority of his career in academic advising with a specific focus on STEM education, and he also has ten years of experience teaching Psychology.