Vince Benevento of Causeway Collaborative believes the conventional approach to supporting young men’s mental health is fundamentally flawed. Statistics show that 80% to 90% of boys who need help aren’t getting it. Whether they’re dealing with substance use issues, college academic probation, or just feeling “stuck,” many young men resist being dragged along to therapy. In this powerful conversation, Vince—a licensed professional counselor and a former “wayward young man” himself—shares his revolutionary methodology. He details how Causeway Collaborative empowers young men (ages 16–30) to take ownership of their own care by focusing on action, physical movement, and building structure and routine, rather than relying on quick fixes and labels. This is essential reading for any parent seeking to support their son without pushing too hard or pulling away completely.
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The Unconventional Path To Supporting Young Men’s Mental Health: Why ‘Meeting Them Where They Are’ Works With Vince Benevento
I am super excited to invite in a colleague and a friend Vince Benevento of Causeway Collaborative. Vince, how are you?
I’m good, Marc. I appreciate you having me. This is great.
Thanks for being here, Vince. I appreciate it. Vince is a licensed professional counselor, a long-time advocate for young men navigating mental health school, school career, and life transitions through his business Causeway Collaborative. He’s helped hundreds of families move out of stuck patterns and into clearer and more grounded paths forward by blending clinical insight with real world mentorship and coaching.
What I appreciate about Vince is his work and how he meets young men where they are without labels, pressure or quick fixes. He helps families understand what’s going on beneath the surface. This conversation is especially relevant for parents who are trying to support their sons without pushing too hard or pulling away completely. Vince, welcome.
It’s so good to be here.
Thanks for being here. I appreciate it. I know you’ve been going through a ton with your family and without getting into the specifics, Vince has moved mountains to be with us. I truly appreciate that and wish you and your family all the best moving forward. Vince and I met a couple of years back. We knew from the get-go that there was a connection. One of the biggest connections we have is our dual role of being dads and being helpers. We’ll get into that in a minute, but I want to start off with telling my readers what Causeway Collaborative is.
Marc, thanks for having me. We were quick pals when we first met years ago. I’m a big fan of yours in what you do. One of the reasons why we hit it off is because we practice our craft differently than most. Causeway is a manifestation of my way of envisioning mental health for men and young men. I’m pretty transparent about this, but like I am and was like a wayward young man. I had pretty significant mental health challenges as a teenager and young adult, substance use issues. I bombed out of college at nineteen years old.
I was a stuck kid. I was very resistant to conventional mental health support in the form of therapy. My parents try to bring me to therapy for years and I stiff armed them pretty effectively for those years. Through the support of many other people and adults who came into my life, friends and a girlfriend, I eventually got my act together. I realized that I wanted to do stuff like this once I was able to figure my own stuff out.
For me, Causeway was a place to have young men take responsibility for their own mental health. I work with guys ages 16 to 30. When you work with guys 16 to let’s say, 25 or maybe even 30. Oftentimes, it’s the parents dragging guys along through their course of treatment as they’re pretty resistant to that process.
The “Action-First” Philosophy Of Causeway Collaborative
What we do at Causeway right from the rip is positioning this process as that man or young man’s process and charge him to take ownership of his own care. We give him autonomy to determine what he wants to do and doesn’t want to do with respect to his work. We asked him to develop his own goals. We give him an ala carte menu of the services that we offer to do some direction and support.
We make young men and men responsible for their own process. We’re also about action. That resonates with the guys who come through. Many guys who come through Causeway are stuck, confused and just uncertain about what to do next and what even makes sense. What we do is literally get guys moving, get their bodies moving, get them well, get them active, and get them physically doing more stuff than they were. We also get them doing stuff right.
The tour becomes a very practical utilization of a step base plan to make them feel better than when they did when they arrived. Through the scaffolding of that process and the cumulative effect of them moving and making headway week over week. We can then often back our way into this deeper, more introspective work later on with guys like Marc and other partners that we have. For us, it’s about just getting things going and pushing the ball downfield in whatever way that guy decides is meaningful to them.
Causeway is a place where young men could take responsibility for their own mental health. Share on XI’ve been practicing a long time, Vince. There’s nothing like Causeway. You folks are unique. People ask me all the time, “Are they an IOP or a PHP?” There is a supportive program that addresses things in a different way, and you hit the nail on the head. I appreciate that, Vince, mostly because so much of the other way doesn’t work very well. That’s no knock-on providers. I mean it from a kid’s perspective.
You look at stats, 80% to 90% of kids, boys, that need help aren’t getting it. That’s a crazy number. Like me, you ask that question why and try to answer that with what you do. I want my parents here reading to know this. I’ve had kids in your program that have not been reached by anybody else but you folks. It’s because you folks go back to our side door, front door, and upside down to reach these kids. That’s what it takes.
First of all, that is incredibly kind. You’re good at what you do, so that matters to me. Thank you very much for that. I would say I started doing homework many years ago. The way in which that influenced this program and me as a practitioner was as you said. I started in a paradigm wherein there were no boundaries and parameters around what you could and couldn’t do, as long as it was safe and ethically responsible. You could go do it.
You could take a kid down the street and grab an ice cream cone and walk back to his house. You could go play basketball. You could go throw the football. You could find a guy who played guitar, bring him into session and help him play music for a kid who wants to learn how to play music. I came from a lens where we started with a world where everything was possible. We then had to narrow the funnel and figure out what to do with a kid that was going to resonate with him.
The other thing you alluded to is kids hate this. Part of my own journey was like, I was a guy who hated this. I felt diminished as a fact that I needed the support. I hated that I had issues, mental health and substance. I came from a broken family. I had a lot of traumas associated with that stuff. I just hated that I was spending my time as a 20 something or a 19-year-old doing this and trying to get help. We also start from a place of like, you got to get a kid to want to come back.
It’s not about telling him how much his life sucks and how afflicted he is. You got to get a kid to want to come back the next week and the next week after that to even start the work. We try to make the relationship enjoyable for the young man at its core. In addition to that, find activities that are particularly enjoyable to this young man. When you layer like an interest set on top of a favorable relationship and positive male mentorship. You’re adding some ingredients that are not present in the typical medical model of practice. If we start there it’s a pretty good place to start.
It’s a great place to start. Honestly, you got me thinking a bit about what it’s like to be male. From a young age, we’re told, “Get back up. Don’t cry. Suck it up. Whatever.” Throw any phrase you want out there but it’s basically, don’t have feelings, keep moving forward, and keep stuff in. We take those same boys, 15, 16, or 17 and put them in a highly stressful environment like high school. We expect we’re going to just walk into a therapist office and that person’s going to open up and talk.
Reciprocity In The Therapeutic Relationship
By the way, that relationship is a one-way road. Not a two-way road. You’re supposed to dump your guts out young man. That dude is never going to tell you anything about him ever at all. The model and the framework is flawed and it’s very national. We teach young men that relationships are supposed to be reciprocal and equitable. Yet the therapeutic construct is only a one-way road that you pour your guts out and you never get anything back in return.
Let me put you on the spot then. We’re talking to Vince at seventeen. You’re offering the seventeen-year-old Vince some advice. He’s effing up in places. He’s using drugs, substances and all that stuff. Here you are, you get his ear and you can offer him some of that advice. What do you tell him?
That’s a good one. I would tell him a lot of things. I’ll try out boil it down to one or two. I would reflect to him that he is not okay. The people around him know that he’s not okay and are gravely concerned about him. As a seventeen-year-old man, I don’t think I know people were gravely concerned about me. I didn’t care because of how much I was hurting, how destructive and self-destructive I was as a result of how much I was hurting.
I would take my best pitch, whoever that was back then. I’ll protect his anonymity now. I’ll put him in front of me and say, “Your family and everybody in your life is gravely concerned about you. Bad things are going to happen to you if you don’t adjust and correct.” I would deliver that message. I would offer to him that he needed to make some aggressive lifestyle shifts. I was drinking and doing drugs at 17 or 18 years old, in a way that had I not gotten sober at 22. I would be dead now. There’s no question about it. I would forecast that an abrupt turn of hand was coming and it was necessary to save my life.
Well said, Vince. I also can’t help but think. When we were kids, drugs and alcohol were bad enough. There are 100 times worse now. I had a parent earlier. They were talking about their kid who’s seventeen who’s using 85% THC. To give parents a sense, average THC levels were like 12% when we were kids. We’re talking about nuclear warfare in terms of substances. Ethanol in the head, Vince.
When kids are hurting, they know they’re hurting. They’re very aware they’re hurting, especially boys. They’re good at fine goods and okay. “How are you doing?” “I’m fine.” “Leave me alone.” It’s finding a way in there. I want my family to understand this and that, most especially boys. You can’t go in the front door. The front door is locked.
Giving Voice To Family Chaos
This isn’t for everybody. This was certainly for me. My world was falling apart around me. My parents’ marriage was imploding. My mom was going through her stuff. My dad was very much going through his, but none of that was discussed. None of it. My own manifestation of my acting out behavior was my response to the chaos around me that nobody was talking about at all. You can see it with your eyeballs. You could hear it with your ears, but no one was talking about it.
A message to parents out there is you have to give voice to the stuff that is happening around your kids. Otherwise, they’re going to lose their mind like I did when I was seventeen because they’re going to have their own response to this stuff. It’s important to take control of that narrative as a parent. Take responsibility for your piece where it exists and begin to shape that struggle for your kid.
You said something important and that is making a large shift. I’m trying to remember your words. Making a large shift is hard. If someone says, “You got to lose some weight.” I got to like making some changes in whatever I eat. I’m working out. Why do you think it’s so hard for people to get to the gym? Making a hard change like that is not easy but echo what you said. They’re forward path changes even when small changes get put in place.
No question. A little bit of a segue but on topic. I wrote a book. I wrote about this in the second chapter. At nineteen years old, I was coming out of a psychiatric hospitalization. I had been kicked out of college and I was 272 pounds. I’m 185 now. I was twice what I am now. By the way, all my buddies were away at school doing their thing.
I was the kid who was bumping into people’s parents at the grocery store talking about why I wasn’t away at College playing ball. When you’re sitting in that spot looking forward and looking up at the volume of change you have to make just to get back to baseline. Forget about getting ahead. It’s very hard to not get discouraged and depressed when you’re talking about that cumulative change over time.
That story resonates deeply, Vince. I’m sure my readers can certainly understand that situation. I don’t want to move past the book. Tell us about your book.
I appreciate it. I told Marc about this project a while ago. The end result is vaguely resembling the initial cadence project. The book is like a two plus year proposition, which is my own experience woven with fifteen years of practice, essentially. It’s called Boys Will Be Men: 8 Lessons for the Lost American Male. Every chapter is a unique lesson. A lesson that I learned as a man or young man, and then a case that reflects that very same lesson and how I walked alongside a guy and took him to that place.
You have to give voice to what's happening around your kids. Take responsibility for your part and help shape their struggle before they face it alone. Share on XThat’s great, Vince. Where can people get a hold of it?
On Amazon. There will be a link to my website or you can buy it on my website, and regional book retailers like Barnes and Nobles.
Get out there and get it. To my readers, there’s a lot of knowledge in Vince’s head that he’s passing along and knowledge is important. There are lessons within each of those stories and each of those scenarios. I can’t wait to get a hold of it and read through it. A lot of good information. Congratulations for getting to the finish line on that. I know it’s for a big project.
I had a long road. I had no idea what was required to write a book when I got started for sure. Probably I wouldn’t have done it if I had known. It was something that I had encouraged myself to do for a long time.
I’m curious about something, your location. You’re in West Hartford and Westport. You’ve been there for a while. You’re down in White Plains and areas that have a lot of wealth. I would imagine a lot of the young individuals you see are maybe coming from backgrounds similar to the students that I see, their heading off to college. Let me ask because I feel like I see this a lot in my office. Students that are struggling similar to the pattern we were talking about. They know they’re struggling. They’re seniors and they’re heading off the next year. College is a huge step of which most high schools don’t prep kids nearly enough in the non-academic scenarios that come up for college kids. I’m curious about your thoughts and any feedback or suggestions you might have for young adults heading in that direction.
One massive challenge for young people away at college or going away to college is the shift in calendar or shift in schedule. You’re moving from this conveyor belt framework of the previous thirteen years of your education where alarm goes off. Mom drives you or dad drives you or you drive yourself. Whatever the case may be, but your day is highly structured from 7:00 AM through to 3:00 PM. A lot of guys have activities. A lot of girls have activities after that. You’re rocking and rolling from 7:00 AM to 9:00-10:00 PM until you do your homework and you’re done with your day.
The “Abyss” Of College Free Time
In college, you may not have class 2 or 3 days a week, depending on your schedule. Weekends themselves are a complete abyss and a vacuum of open space and free time. It is the shift around the lack of accountability and the lack of personal checkpoints that you have within your given day. You got to check in with your parents, teachers, or school administrators. Within a high school setting, you probably got a coach who you’re checking in with around something.
You may not see an adult who has a stake in your life for a couple of weeks on a college campus. There’s very little accountability and you hoarding up to anybody about how you’re doing in any which domain. That’s one piece. The obvious byproduct of that is the open space and open real estate and free time. The guys who I see that struggle the most, and I was this guy who struggled like this, don’t have a stabilized structured routine and scheduled to their given day. They get up at 2:00 in the afternoon and miss a couple classes. Maybe schlep their way over to the gym. Grab a bite here. The tail wags the dog in terms of dictating what happens and when.
I got to interrupt and sleigh you down. What you just said was so important. The guys that you see that struggle the most are lacking?
Structure routine. This is good information. I was an active addict and alcoholic for my first three years of college, freshman, sophomore, and junior year. I got sober in summer going into my senior year. I went back to campus and moved out of my place with my degenerate buddies who were living in different places. I got up at 8:00 AM and went to the gym. I got a cup of coffee and went to my 9:00 AM class. At 9:00, 10:00 or 11:00 have lunch. Come home and do homework for a couple hours then go to the gym again later in the day.
I had so much time because I was starting my day. I would sleep until 11:00 or 12:00. I start my college day at 8:00 AM. I picked up a part-time job. I was tutoring kids. I was mentoring kids. I had so much time I didn’t even know what to do with it. I got so used to starting my day at 2:00 in the afternoon and just being awake from 2:00 to 1:00 AM. When I started living like a normal person, I couldn’t believe how much free time I had.
By the way, I went from like a 2.6 to 2.4 my last two semesters just because I was going to class and study for three years. There’s a ton of time to get things done at college if you’re effective and efficient with how you use your time, as I didn’t and then did in my pre-test and post-test college student days. You’d be amazed with what results can be.
I appreciate telling us that story. There’s a maturation that goes along with, “how do I use this blank canvas of time?” Some kids misuse it and join the varsity pot smoking team. Other kids will get involved. They’ll join a club and an activity. Let’s start working out. They’ll do intramurals. They’ll do this and that. It’s a world of opportunity. That word structure is super important and I want to repeat it again for parents. To me, you’re going from such a highly structured scenario to such an unstructured scenario. That point needs to be driven home with kids. I appreciate you saying that.
Even if you’re not perfect and even if you borrow 50% or 60% of the structural tenants that you had when you were in high school and what those days look like for you then. You’re still probably going to have enough structure to do just fine. It’s the guys in the girls who take advantage of the opportunity to have no structure whatsoever who get into trouble. I was certainly one of those people. A lot of the people who come across my line of sight are those people as well.
Everyone’s stories are different. One of the common scenarios that I see, especially young men. They underestimate that. They go to college and underestimate that. They start making one bad decision after another. Whether it’s skipping an 8:00 AM class or it’s stopping their workout routines because they can get away with it. No one’s on them about it.
One of the scenarios that I see a lot is those kids may get on active probation. They may get excused from school after a year, and they’re in a hole. Now they come home. It’s not unlike your scenario of events like, “I’m home.” People are constantly asking me why am I home. Some of those kids don’t get out of that hole. It can be a hard place to be. I mention it ahead of time for families because there’s plenty of things kids can do to avoid even getting into that hole in the first place.
The “Prescriptive Recipe” For Getting Out Of A Hole
Interestingly enough, one of the archetypes of the guys we’ve seen for years has been that guy, my story. The guy who fails out of school and lands at home. It’s January 13th and he’s not going back. What do I do for the next 9 months or 12 months of my life ?” It’s become a very prescriptive recipe for implementing structure in the face of the absence of structure. Every guy who fits that bill who comes to Causeway gets a job with a minimum of $25 hour per week. However, many hours he’s working is offset by the number of community college classes that he takes in addition to working the part-time that he’s working.
That guy is doing something wellness related, going to a gym or having a physical activity of some type where he’s expending that energy physically in some way within a given week. He has some type of social commitment of regularity within a week to stay connected to people, develop relationships and then build up those relationships over time. It’s through the feedback of us and the parents that young man can determine when he is or isn’t in fact ready to go back to school based upon how he’s progressing in that way.
I appreciate the description. It’s such a common one that I know you and I have come across a number of times and it’s helpful for parents to know. I’m curious. I’m going to touch on something you had mentioned. You’re referencing self-care. I know we’re both into wellness. We drink our water. We go to the gym and get it done. For me, it was one of those, I’ll do it for six months and then stop then I’ll do it. It wasn’t a perfect road.I feel like I got it down now but, I only mentioned that because I wanted to ask you. Why is self-care so important for young men? What do you think?
First and foremost, for me and a lot of other guys, it’s just having a release. There is something about that physical release in terms of balance, regulating hormones, improving and enhancing mood and stress release. There is a physical release that happens when a guy works out and does physical activity. That’s a very real piece.
Physical activity gives a release—balancing hormones, boosting mood, reducing stress. There’s something powerful that happens when you work out. Share on XAlso, self-concept and self-esteem. I was a dude who was virtually 100 pounds overweight. You don’t feel good when you’re 100 pounds overweight. You don’t feel physically, but you don’t feel good about yourself either. It’s a way that I can maintain a positive self-concept and a positive self-image for sure. There is something productive and establishing structure of the routine on a given daily basis.
I work out first thing every day. That’s what I do to start my day. It becomes the path for me every day to having a productive day. Checking that box is an important piece of that process. It’s like the make your bed speech, “When you come back, you’ve at least got a made bed.” How crummy your days been when you’ve worked out at the beginning of the day? You’ve at least worked out for the day and you’ve done a positive thing. I think of it that way, too.
I talked about that a lot with young adults. It can be overwhelming, so one of the suggestions I make is, “Do I start drinking lots of water? I started eating lots of protein. Do I start doing this? Do I start doing that?” Pick one thing and start doing it every day. As you said, Vince, it’s a matter of I’m able to look back at the day and go, “I ate well or I drank my water or I did this or I did that or I took care.” Self-care to me is all about a decision that person makes.
Self-Care As A Tool For Control
You alluded to this previously, but this is relevant to the specific example. My son’s been very sick for months. He’s got sleepless nights, stressful days and scary days for sure. Even on the days where I didn’t sleep. I walked across and grabbed my 40-pound dumbbells and did a twenty-minute workout with my 40-pound dumbbells. Only to do a thing that made me feel good about myself and give me some control over a situation I didn’t have control over. It’s a very real practical manifestation of exactly what we’re talking about. That was something I could do no matter what irrespective of my circumstances. For me, there was something powerful about that in this season.
That’s huge, Vincent. In life, you and I have lived enough years to know that we go through these ups and these downs that we can’t always see coming. To have those things in our world that we can control and to give us some of that relief and release is so important. Let me ask, because you mention your son.
As dads and as moms, it becomes challenging for us when our kid is going through something that we want to change and we can. Put yourself in one of the parents that you work with position. Where the kid is struggling in school and he’s just not motivated. He’s loving pot and not loving life. What’s a parent able to do in those situations?
Wherever there is something you can’t change, there’s a way to find something that you can, as you said. You can’t change your kids smoking pot if your kid wants to smoke pot. He’s going to smoke pot. Whether you’re around or not. You can’t change how your kid does in school because those are their grades and their classes. If they want to fail English 105, they’re going to fail it.
You can probably change your relationship with your kid. You can definitely change the way he receives you and whether or not he is drawn to you in situations of stress. You can change the way you speak to him, whether you build him up or tear them down. You can change the strength of your relationship. You can change these factors that change your influence in your relationship and the equity that you have with your kid. Which may eventually position you to be able to affect change in the domain that you want to affect.
You have to just be willing to be patient and willing to meet your kid wherever he is. If your kid is pissed off and angry, he’s going to be pissed off and angry. He could be pissed off and angry with a better relationship with his mom that he has now. Some point down the line, he might be less pissed off and angry.
The Power Of Genuineness & Sharing Your Story With Your Kids
Something you do well, Vince, very naturally is you’re very genuine. You’re able to talk about your background and your ups and more importantly, you’re down. We’ve all had them. For parents to be able to recognize and learn from that and say, “We don’t have to be perfect human beings.” If you think about it, anyone can have sex, but being a parent and having a kid is a whole different ballgame. There’s no manual. It is like on the job from moment one. It’s twists and turns and ups and downs.
I wouldn’t trade it for the world, but it’s challenging. Again, if there’s something parents can reap from you. I want them to know that your genuineness is your superpower. You connect with young adults in an amazing fashion. I don’t know people that have met you that don’t remember you, Vince. People come across you and they’re like, “I know Vince. He’s the guy that wears the hat backwards.” “That’s the guy.” It’s important you know that because to me that’s something that gives you the ability to connect with the kid in some ways that hasn’t been connected to. That’s also something that can transition and help a parent understand. It’s like, “All I got to do is let my guard down. That’s all I got to do.”
I appreciate what you said. This is unique to me. From my perspective, I never understood why people wouldn’t be willing to share the details of their own life or the details of their own story. It’s very easy for me to lead with my messiness and the parts of me that make me. I view them as one continuous through line, where I’m not here being me now if it’s not for the situations many years ago that influenced the changes in me to get me to the place I am. All of the good, the bad, the horrible, and the great.
There is incredible power in that, in the honesty and transparency associated with that narrative as a parent. One of the greatest gifts I’ve had as my kids have gotten older is the ability to talk to them about my own stuff. Those are the things that have allowed me to be professionally successful. To use those tools, those stories and those learnings with my own sons and with my daughter now, in whatever age-appropriate way I can share them. It has been impactful for them as they begin to understand social nuance, relationships and the challenges of being a person. All of these pieces.
Parents hide from that stuff a lot of times. They are afraid that they’re going to embarrass their kid or embarrass themselves or their skeletons are too shameful to share. I don’t see it that way. That stuff makes us, us. The learning lessons that we can share as a result of those experiences are what is important and what we can pass on to the people we care about.
The lessons we learn from our experiences are what matter most and what we can pass on to the people we care about. Share on XNo doubt, Vince. That’s something that aligns you and I. It’s a two-way street. I find myself learning from my kids every day. I’m hoping they learn from me every day. Part of that learning is us getting over ourselves and saying, “I can let my guard down. I can be open. I could figure it out.” Let’s face it, being a kid nowadays is different than when we were kids. I often find myself saying to the kids, “What’s it like being a high schooler nowadays? Tell me about your journey.”
There’s going to be things you’re going to hear that will surprise you and things you hear like, “I remember that.” I appreciate your genuineness, honesty and openness. I’m sure that comes through in your book. Everybody, get out there by Vince’s book. Let’s make it a strong 2026. I work with a lot of programs. You guys have top-notch services. I love your staff members. You’ve passed your genuineness along in many ways to people that you’ve done a good job hiring. Many of my students that you’ve worked with have done a good job with you guys. I appreciate all the hard work you guys have done. Most importantly, Vince, enjoy tomorrow. Enjoy having your son come home. I’m so excited for you guys.
Thank you. I’m grateful. I couldn’t be more excited.
I will talk to you at some point soon, Vince. Thanks for spending time with us.
Thank you so much.
Important Links
- Vince Benevento on LinkedIn
- Vince Benevento on Instagram
- Causeway Collaborative
- Boys Will Be Men: 8 Lessons for the Lost American Male
About Vince Benevento
Vince Benevento, LPC, is a licensed counselor in both NY and CT, a husband, father, speaker, and entrepreneur. He holds a BA from Wesleyan University and a Masters’s in School Counseling from Fairfield University. Vince possesses nearly 20 years of experience working specifically with men and young men as a coach, mentor, and therapist.
The organization Vince founded and has directed for the last 15 years, Causeway Collaborative, has supported over 2000 men and young men from 14-30, effectively changing the way that therapy has been done for guys who have been resistant to help over that time. Now, Vince hopes to share key lessons with men who seek to become better versions of themselves and those who love them.
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