Navigating the complexities of student mental health is a challenge that many young adults and parents face today. In this episode, Marc Lehman is joined by clinician Brian Keiser from U Are Heard to discuss effective strategies for managing stress, overcoming academic anxiety, and fostering true wellness. Brian brings his unique perspective as a Guided Pathways Advisor II to shed light on how modern pressures, including social media and the desire for constant connectivity, contribute to the rising rates of anxiety in students. Together, they explore the importance of small, consistent habits—like prioritizing sleep, nutrition, and genuine human connection—as the foundation for long-term success. Discover actionable advice on how to support independence in students while maintaining the essential support systems they need to thrive in college and beyond.
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From Academic Pressure To Personal Growth: A Deep Dive Into Student Mental Health With Brian Keiser
Meeting Brian Keiser & His Path In Higher Ed
We are here to talk about mental health and wellness. I’m super excited to be joined by Brian Keiser. Brian is one of my clinicians from U Are Heard amongst many other things that he does. Welcome, Brian.
Thank you for having, Marc.
Thanks for being here. Brian’s got lots of experience over many years in higher ed serving in various roles at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, Yale University, the University of Bridgeport, and currently Connecticut State Community College. He spent the majority of his career in academic advising with the specific focus on STEM education. He also has ten years of experience teaching Psychology. Brian holds a Bachelor’s of Arts and Communications studies and a Masters of Arts and Ed Psychology from the University of Nebraska-Lincoln.
His PhD studies were interrupted by the pandemic during which time he was conducting research at Yale-New Haven Children’s Hospital in partnership with the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. Outside of that, Brian enjoys running along the ocean and biking. He also hosts two shows himself which is Path Finders through Connecticut State and a personal show Beach Chair Chats. Both of which are available on Spotify and Substack. Brian, thank you so much for taking the time out of your super busy schedule to be here.
I appreciate that. I feel like I have an accomplished career after reading it here and all that.
It makes you feel good, right?
It does. Except for the run part because I’m injured. You brought up two traumatic things like my PhD getting killed by COVID and then plantar fasciitis on my foot. Great time for mental health talks. I appreciate that.
That’s why you get one of these, Brian. I get the same thing going on the ice pack, the foot. I’m sorry to hear that. Hopefully, that heals up for you soon. I know you enjoy your runs. By the way, if you haven’t seen them online. Brian takes some amazing photos on his runs and certainly enjoys those as well. Brian, where to jump in? Let’s start with your work at the school you’re at which is Connecticut State Community College. Tell us a little bit about your role there.
I am a Guided Pathways Advisor II. It’s like the associate director. I call it Quarterback II to the director in the backup. I work with students from all ages that come straight out of high school, all the way to 65 plus, lifelong learners, part-time students, students that are here for a couple semesters to get an associates or wherever they want to go. I work with STEM students predominantly. Yet, I have no STEM background. If you ask me anything about engineering or bio, I’m not your guy.
I’m here to help counsel you through that wise and credibly hard. I’ve been working with it and we offer free tuition here at CT State. It’s a great benefit for lots of our students to have an education where they can figure this out and see where they want to go for an affordable price of $0. It’s not a shameless marketing promo for this, but it’s great for the students. It’s great for the families and the communities. They get a lot of students. They come in here with the ambitions to do awesome things. This is helping them get on the right track and see where it takes them. That’s a lot of the work that they do.
I imagine as I referenced before, Brian. You’ve been doing work with my business U Are Heard for a while now. You see students all over the country supporting them with various things. That’s a good lead-in to ask. The topic of self-care comes up a lot and as we were talking before about your running, how a person helps themselves and manages their daily stress level. What does self-care mean to Brian?
The Necessity Of Self-Care And Managing Professional Burnout
We do this work. You’ve been doing this for a long time as well. When you work with people and you help people, you take on all their stuff. It’s a tough job. Sometimes you get a student that’s easy to work with. It’s finals week. It’s the time of the year where we get a lot of the heavy. Even with the work that I do with U Are Heard as well, students go through a lot. A lot of times, they don’t tell you that until it’s sometimes too late and we’re here to fix it. You take a lot of that energy, the good stuff and the bad stuff. Sometimes, it depletes you even in this helping profession that we are. Self-care is important. Otherwise, you get burned out.
The notion of creating something—making your own food—stimulates your mind in a way that's so filling. It takes away that sense of stimulating the mind of doing something from start to finish. Share on XI feel it in higher ed all the time, especially this time of the year when we get the faculty sent off and they go off for the summer. We’re still here for the summer. It’s trying to maintain the notion of doing the things that you love to do. It’s getting outside for me. Going for a run or getting on a bike. I’m sitting by the beach. Hence, the Beach Chairs Show. It’s the things that make you happy that you have to maintain.
I give that same message to my students, too. I have a lot of them that want to go into this field. They want to be therapists, doctors and nurses. It’s the same concept when you’re trying to help people. Every time you give yourself to somebody in that way your time, it takes a little bit from you. If you don’t practice the self-care part, you will lose it after a while and you get that burn out feeling.
It’s a great answer, Brian. You made me think why is that so hard for so many? For many individuals, including myself, we are brought up in a way that it’s selfish to go ahead and take care of yourself in that manner. I’ve learned professionally over the years. It’s necessary in order to maintain it because as you said, both you and I have been in this field for a long time. I’ve known many people that burnt out and left the field.
For me, I use exercise as well as a way to manage my own self-care. It allows me to free up some of those things that we hear. Let’s face it. We hear a lot of stuff throughout the day and that can be a big time challenge. Self-care is a big one. For many, it’s not just soothing stress, but it’s also eating well and getting good sleep. I don’t know what you see, Brian, but I find my students don’t do very well. Do you hear about that a lot?
The students delay the convenience of food. We talked about eating well and there’s this sense of like, am I going to tangent here of the convenience of fast food or DoorDash? There’s no effort put into cooking food. I’m a firm fan. If you don’t mind me going on a tangent here. The notion of creating something. It’s like making your own food. It stimulates your mind in a way that’s so filling. You take things away in a convenience like, “I’m just going to order not only in Chipotle.” I could go to Chipotle and get it or I could have them delivered to me for twice as much money and I don’t have to do anything. It’s convenient, but it takes away that sense of stimulating the mind of doing something from start to finish.
Eating well is important but it’s also just the idea of creating food, a dinner, or whatever you do with it because you accomplished something. I didn’t sleep well, but it’s commonplace for me nowadays. If I get five and a half hours or six hours, I can function, but sleep is important. A lot of the time, students will stay up late at night. They’ll be up on the phones or gaming. They get on the old blue screens and they can’t settle their mind down.
They get tired the next day. They don’t get enough sleep or they sleep until noon or something crazy like that, which I hear that. I’m like, “How?” Wonderful. I’m up seven hours prior to that. It’s the basics. I teach that to my students. I go, “If you sleep, eat well, drink water, hydrate so you can function. Otherwise, you can’t take care of your mind or you might not do what you want it to do because it’s revolting because it’s this mad.
If you sleep, eat well, drink water, and hydrate, you can function. Otherwise, you can't take care of your mind because it's revolting. Share on XThose fundamentals are important. I find most of my students are good at one or two of them. They’re not good at all of them. They usually neglect something. It’s important. My audience is made up of young adults and their parents. It’s important for parents to recognize that these are things that they have the opportunity to shift and change. If they want to be drinking on a regular basis and get hydrated and take care of that part. It’s not hard. It’s a matter of choice and recognizing, “That’s going to have a positive impact on me.”
That’s not hydrated with Monster energy drinks, by the way. It’s not a shout out for Monster, but the health of that, too. It’s cardiovascular health. If you chug Monster drinks to stay awake, it’s going to make you more tired. I see it all the time. You just had three Monster drinks and your heart’s probably going to stop. Now you’re tired.
The simplicity of water. That will take good care of you if you allow it to, but you’re right. There’s some of the garbage. I have patients even coming into my office with drinking I’m shocked at. No surprise to you, Brian. The mental health of students I feel like in the last 5 to 10 years is moving in the wrong direction. Anxieties are up. Depressions are up. Certainly, post-COVID, we’ve seen those numbers. There’s no one particular reason but I’m curious from your point of view. What are the contributing factors?
Digital Overload: Why Social Media Is Fueling Anxiety In Students
I read a book. I’m not saying it’s the end, all be all sources of anxiety for young people, but The Anxious Generation book by Jonathan Haidt. It’s a great element of anxiety. It’s one aspect of it. I want to say it’s like this is it. I’m not going to say social media is horrible, but cell phones are bad but there is that. Since COVID, I always find the online thing is like, people are starved for connection but they’re incredibly lonely still.
They’ve been online this whole time since 2020 in COVID. They’re over consumed by text. They can’t have conversations. I’ll say hi to students in the hallway and they have the headphones on and clinging to the wall looking to the depths of the abyss. I’m making eye contact and I’ll say hello to them and they completely go through a shock.
It’s alarming. We had this book discussion at school about the same book. They can’t solve problems because they have artificial intelligence to do it for them. They can’t cope because they might turn to ChatGPT for therapy. It happens. It’s terrifying that they do. They’re stuck online because that’s where everything is. Another book I read too is Dopamine Nation, which you’ve read. It’s a great book. It talks about this stimulus.
They’re overstimulated by the online that they need. They can’t live without it. I’ll walk out of my office and I’ll have ten students sitting there all on their phones. I walked in a hall, they’re on the phone. They don’t talk. Having actual human conversation is one aspect of it from being online so much. I give props to parents who can keep their kids off of that for as long as they possibly can. It’s a huge challenge for parents now because there is a pressure to say, “I want to be on Instagram, Mom and Dad. I want to be on this.” I give Australia credit and band it until eighteen. Go Austria. They’re not ready for it at a very young age.
I’m not going to use addictive to it, but it is very much addictive in a way that, outside of that, they can’t have the basics of just what human conversation would be. Every part of the sensation from your mind to stimulate you from an actual conversation with the human being that you can’t get on the phone to think being forced in situations makes them highly anxious for that. I give students how to do presentations and they just panic to talk about themselves. This is not the hardest thing to do, but it’s a fear of being looked at, being judged, being this.
Social media creates a concept of love and having followers. Almost embed this narcissistic tendency that we have even followers. We’re not liked. We’re not acceptable and have to be something you’re not. That’s this one aspect of it too, but there’s a lot. There’s a lot of things that make those kids anxious nowadays.
Social media creates a concept of love and having followers. It embeds this narcissistic tendency that we have; we feel like we're not liked, not acceptable, and have to be something we're not. Share on XIt’s a big one. You made me think of like ten different things. For me, when I’m going through intakes and I’m asking questions around obsessiveness. I’m a little shocked as a therapist of how many young adults obsess about the interactions they had with other peers. Did I stick my foot in my mouth? How did they think I was? Did they like me?
A big part of the reason that’s become such a common obsessive notion with young adults is they don’t have that framework where they haven’t done this. They haven’t had direct conversations so often. Another thing you made me think about and I’m curious about your thoughts on this. I feel like this is becoming commonplace. I came across a young adult a few months ago. We were looking at her phone together. She was using TikTok on average 40 hours a week. We then looked at Snapchat and it was another ten. This kid had a pretty extended full-time job just with social media every week.
I looked at it and I asked her mom. She was thirteen, by the way. Her mom had relatively no idea she was on it that much. Those numbers might be high, but I feel like there’s a lot of kids out there that are spending that time on social media. You got to figure that’s 50 to 60 hours of time that they’re not socializing.
Part of that too, is you talked about the parents not being aware. There is a huge thing. Parents nowadays are not like the old days. Either moms stay at home or there’s a parent home or dad was there. I was fortunate to grow up with my mom there at the home and my dad was on a farm. He was there. I had my parents, but now you have both parents who have to work one or two jobs. They give the kids devices early. I see young kids from a developmental psychologist. I see very small children with these devices that aren’t ready for that.
Being locked in to that and getting addicted to it so soon, they can’t break out of it. I’ve seen students go through withdrawals. Let’s say, give your phone away for three days. They go, “I had a craving for it. I had this.” It’s the same thing. It’s never going to be a shame on parents. I’ll never shame a parent. I can understand the world we live in and having that stuff, but it’s a hard look at keeping kids outside, even K-12.
I work in higher ed. I see students come out of high school not ready for it. At the K-11 system, you’re plugging Chromebooks in front of kid’s faces at a very early age. You’re doing everything online at a very early age. Teachers in kindergarten can’t even take their kids outside the play anymore. They have to do assessments and tests. It’s changing the landscape. You’re putting a lot of pressure on the innocence of just growing up.
I’ll even say this, too. You talk about stress and mental health. I’ll give a story. I was talking to mom. She was trying to get her daughter into Calc 2 class over the summer or Calc 1 and Calc 2. She goes, “I want to do this so she can go to a four year school and have it ready to go. She’s sixteen.” I go, “Hold on a second. Pump the brakes. She’s sixteen years old.” She goes, “I wanted to get ahead.” I go, “Is she here?” She’s making this decision. I almost told her, “You should go watch 16 Candles again and remember what it is to be a sixteen-year-old girl and you’re not wanting to take Calc 2.” There’s pressure even for kids. They feel anxious to do and achieve so much. There’s a lot of things there that caused that pressure for kids.
The messaging there is, let your kid be a kid. The intensity as parents, we feel like we’re helping when we’re doing that but we’re creating a lot of pressure.
Talk to your kids. Reach to your kids. Don’t give them devices until they’re ready for it.
Maybe when they do have devices, maybe tech free time. Maybe they’re doing it already in schools. Perhaps at dinner, maybe just some hours in the afternoon and evening some tech free time so it forces them to be looking at. We’ll call it an old school thing.
They do have screen timers that you can put on phones like Instagram use. You can cut it off. You just have to keep turning the timer off to go back on it. There are things like that. It can be done. It’s just reinforced in that so they don’t get addicted to it.
The Myth Of Time Management: Why Choice Matters More Than Schedules
Brian, in the topic of general wellness, I know academically, one of the things that we see a lot of is kids having or even adults having a difficult time with time management. I’m curious about your thoughts on that topic.
It’s a fun one because I hear all the time, it’s like, “Management time, I get distracted. I just procrastinate.” I said, “Is it really that?” I asked them this question. I always have them sit in my office and I pull up my cellphone. I had a game controller in here for the longest time from my son that I confiscated. I pulled these things out. I go, “What you’re trying to learn is your cell phone out. You’re spending twenty minutes on this and then you get a text. You go down a rabbit hole of TikTok,” which I always find funny because clocks make the sound of tik-tok. Which I always point at the clock behind me.
It’s fascinating. You go down a rabbit hole and you spend twenty minutes. All of a sudden, your learning is being disrupted. It’s like if you watch a movie and you scroll Instagram during a movie. You look up like fifteen minutes have passed. You rewind the movie. You can’t do that with studying. You can’t do that with learning. Information processing model of development. If you’re disrupting the process from short-term to encoding, to sensory inputs, to the long-term, you’re never going to retain it.
Anytime that they get disrupted. I always say it’s not about time management. It’s about choosing what you use your time for. If you’re spending time not being focused or using devices that are near you or setting online and all of a sudden, your chats pop up or you have a game device on another platform while you’re trying to learn. You’re never going to retain the information.
It’s not always about time management. It’s an easy crutch to go to. It’s the choice of where they spend their time that I see that they don’t choose or they choose poorly. It’s like in the Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade line where he goes into the temple and picks the wrong chalice and chooses poorly. Those with phone movie references, they do a lot of that, so you might get it.
Take it step by step, day by day. Don't think about what five years looks like down the road. You never guarantee tomorrow. Share on XI did. It’s a great point, Brian, that choice concept. I like giving kids that opportunity to say, “You can make an alternative choice.” Kids say, “I learn better when I have music on.” Nobody does. Your points are good. For parents, it’s helpful to get kids in that zone because our tech is around us all the time. If they’re choosing to not turn them off or to not minimize certain things, then they’re choosing to be distracted. That will take an hours of worth of work and turn it into two or three pretty easily.4
I always say too, when I get students ending up on probation. There’s two reasons why you end up on probation. There’s controllable factors and uncontrollable factors. You could be in the best intention to be a student then life happens. You can get sick. You can lose your housing. Somebody else in your family could have passed away. You could lose a job. It’s uncontrollable. You don’t see it coming, but they happen. It disrupts your education because you have to shift your focus but it’s the controllable thing.
Those are harder to break because those are behaviors. If I’m gaming eight hours a day, the outcome is going to be what it is because time is gone. I’ve seen that happen. Those are behavioral changes that are hard to fix because they’re like, “I want to watch Netflix and binge the new series that came out.” All episodes in one day and finals are next week. That’s a choice. I’ll give another story. Again, I have lots of stories.
A student at the University of Nebraska. It was interesting because he was in the DJ Club and he is a farm kid. It didn’t match but whatever. He wasn’t academically not doing well. He goes up to me and he’s like, “We have this event off campus and I want to go to.” I was like, “You have two choices. You can go to the event. DJ your heart out. Go take your finals and see how it goes or you’d skip the event and take a chance.” He chose to go to the event. I said, “If you go to the event, you fail out. You’ll never be a student. You can’t go to any more DJ Club. Eventually, you won’t be a student here.”
He chose to go to the event and he failed. A lot of times, they prioritize things like, “What is it?” College students have a tough time trying to balance their social part and then there’s the academic part. A lot of students are anxious. This goes back to environments that they come out of in high school or parenting environments. If you get a kid that comes out of an environment with very authoritarian parents, like rules, you do this and the shackles come off and you go to school. They’re going to have a field day.
Parenting is important. The funny thing is that a kid went to an event called Sunshine Lollipops and Rainbows. See if you know the references in that. Sadly, our counseling department at the school did not and said, “You probably called the faculty advisor.” We said, “You should probably have an eye on this event. It’s off campus. I don’t know what the headlines will be in the paper.” You see it. They face choices all the time and I just feel like it’s about time but it’s also what’s important to them. There’s so many factors that lead to students making the choices that they do. It’s this hard to pin it on one thing that says that’s the thing.
I have to say I’m thinking about the parent who’s sending their kid to college this fall. You and I have been around college students for a long time, but many parents haven’t. They don’t necessarily know what to expect. Who knows? Maybe they hear me do a presentation or you do a presentation. They hear these mental health stats, which are ugly.
One stat that sticks out is 1 in 9 kids. They have suicidal ideation, which no one wants to talk about but that is a national stat. It’s an indicator of how stressed kids become on campus. Brian, we put you on the spot. What do you say to a parent like that who’s worried about their child’s mental health when they go to school? What are some things that they should be looking for and maybe even doing?
Navigating Student Independence, Failure, And Parental Support
There’s a lot of things when it comes to ideation with students and the seriousness of it. There’s that passive ideation that students face too when it comes down to this. They feel a certain way and they start to do this, but for parents, one of the resources. The lead-up to college is having those conversations but practicing independence for their kids. Letting them make decisions. Don’t do it all for them, because the more you do for them, the more they can’t figure it out on their own.
If they don’t succeed or fail, it puts a lot of pressure on them. I have another story. Here we go. I was a student at the University of Nebraska. The same thing. The students said, “My dad wants to talk to you.” I said, “Alright. I can’t tell you something without my consent.” He goes, “Okay. He has a nickname. His nickname at work is called the Nigerian Nightmare.” I said, “That sounds fun. Let’s do this.” The kid leaves. Fifteen minutes later, the dad calls. He’s like, “What did my son do? Why did he fail? Why did he mess up? What’s his problem? I’m going to stop right there.”
I said, “He already knows that he messed up. Your job as a parent is to support him. Be there for them. Help them understand these difficult circumstances and guide them through that instead of shaming them.” This is like Erickson’s shame versus initiative versus shame and doubt. If you don’t foster initiative and you foster shame and doubt from a young age, they’re going to carry that with them. I had to remind him, “You need to be a dad. Parent him, help him and support him. Tell him he’s got this.”
There’s that pressure that a lot of students have with ideation and feeling like, “If I don’t get this, I fail in life.” It goes to the extreme. How do parents handle it? A lot of it starts in the beginning. When you’re at college and they haven’t done it to this point. It’s almost too late, but it’s not too late. Giving them the ability to be independent and support them on their journey. Don’t check their grades. Don’t pressure them. Let them be.
They might find their way if they feel like they have the ability to thrive versus, “If I fail, life’s going to be bad for me or I’m going to get in trouble. Our dad’s going to be mad at me. Mom’s going to be mad at me. I’m getting kicked out of the house.” There’s a lot of that passive pressure that parents place in their kids that can lead them to say, “I fail. Now what? I give up now.” We’re thinking from the ideation standpoint.
It’s tough, Brian. On some level, most parents realize that if a child fails, they’ve got an opportunity there to use that failure in a positive fashion and succeed. You and I have seen that over and over again. I point that out to parents to say, “If your child fails a class, your child gets put on probation or your child has an issue at school. It’s an opportunity for change.
Here’s the thing. It’s just normal. It doesn’t mean you are a failure. It only means that you tried one thing and it didn’t go. You can step back and assess it and try again. You can interview half the faculty on this campus or any campus. I guarantee you. Most of them had failed something in their lifetime. I’ve had a professor of History interview me for another show and he failed out. He came back a couple years later and figured it out and made it work.
That’s a great point. As adults, if we’re being honest, we’ve all got a story.
Every parent does. We just don’t have social media that documented it back in the day. You probably did a lot of silly stuff when you were in your twenties and formative developmental years that’s not documented on social media.
Thank goodness, Brian. It’s important. Humor is important. Keeping things light. It’s funny to me when a parent sends any kid to college and for some reason, they feel like they have to have it all figured out day one. It’s like, I don’t know that I had it figured out on the last day, a little on the first day. One of the phrases I throw around a lot is, there’s a lot of learning that takes place in college outside of the classroom.
It’s pretty hard for a kid to go to college for four years or longer and not grow tremendously. Some words to keep in mind parents that are reading and certainly kids that are reading as well. Brian, one last thought I just want to ask you. You’re talking directly to a student or a parent. One piece of advice for each.
Day-By-Day: Final Advice For Students And Parents
I say take it step by step, day by day. Don’t think about what five years looks like down the road. I always tell students, “You never guarantee tomorrow. If you had the Book of Life in front of you, I’d be bored if you knew what was going to happen to you.” If I knew I was going to be on this show, I’d be like, “This is cool I guess. I already know what’s going to happen.” You take it day by day. Make your choices. Live up to them. Learn from them. Understand whether they feel right or wrong and keep growing because I always tell students, “If you are eighteen and you start college. I guarantee you’re going to change in four years.” Parents should also celebrate those changes.
That’s the hard part when students come home from college from a break and they’re just a little bit different. They have a different viewpoint. Maybe the identity shifts. That’s not what it. They’re figuring things out. They might come home completely different. As a parent, embrace them, love them and celebrate what they’re becoming, versus what happened to you at that school.
Embrace every step of it. Embrace the learning aspect of it and give everything you can to show up and be present beyond time. Get to know your faculty and teachers. We’re not here to scare you. We’re here to help you. Let the parents say, “Go on a cruise. Forget about it for a minute. You did your part. Pat yourself on the back. They’re going to be just fine.”
I like that. Those are great suggestions. I want to highlight one thing you mentioned in there for kids to hear. That is, staff on college campuses are here to help. Liquid Gold. Go back and see them. Visit with them during office hours. Whatever’s available to connect with them, do so, because a lot of kids, for lots of the reasons we’ve already mentioned, feel intimidated to do that. Listen to Brian. He’s one of many that I’ve heard the same thing from over and over again. Please use them as resources.
Once again, Brian. Those of you that are interested in podcasts, check out “Path Finders and Beach Chair Chats. Some good ones that Brian’s got out there. Both on Spotify and Substack. Thank you so much for your time, your energy and your know-how and everything that you do, Brian. I appreciate it.
Thank you so much, Marc. I appreciate it.
Important Links
- Brian Keiser on LinkedIn
- U Are Heard
- Path Finders
- Beach Chair Chats
- The Anxious Generation
- Dopamine Nation
- Book of Life
About Brian Keiser
Brian Keiser has over 20 years of experience in higher education, serving in various roles at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, Yale University, the University of Bridgeport, and currently Connecticut State Community College. He has spent the majority of his career in academic advising with a specific focus on STEM education, and he also has ten years of experience teaching Psychology.
Brian holds a Bachelor of Arts in Communication Studies and a Master of Arts in Educational Psychology from the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. His Ph.D. studies were interrupted by the pandemic, during which time he was conducting research at Yale-New Haven Children’s Hospital in partnership with the University of Nebraska-Lincoln.
Outside of work, Brian enjoys running along the ocean and biking. He also hosts two podcasts: “Path Finders” through CT State and a personal podcast, “Beach Chair Chats,” both of which are available on Spotify and Substack.
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